Living in (& with) AWE. . .

Acorns & Oaks

2010-08-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've been out of the blogosphere for awhile...but it's not because I haven't thought about it! Excuses, excuses, I know...

I've actually found myself heading up the women's ministry team at church and we are in the final stages of launching a blog for our women's ministry - www.springsstillwaters.wordpress.com. Notice I said we are in the final stages...plan is to launch next week, but you know how plans go...check it out when you get a chance - God really stirred our hearts and gave us a vision for a place where the women of the Church can be real, not cookie-cutter. Where it is ok to be in process instead of having it all together. Where we can go beyond just being a "polite" church body into being an authentic church body.

So on to my sweet A&W moment. Yesterday, I was home from work (summer schedule has me off every Friday, woo hoo!)...had big plans to paint A's room...we are in the middle of a room re-do for her 9th birthday later this month. BUT, decided I needed a nap before I tackled that project.

The kids and I had visited the library a few weeks ago and picked up a few books that have just sat...so I picked one up and said "Let's read this one together..." So they climbed up into my bed and away we read. It's a Max Lucado children's book - "The Oak Inside the Acorn". I had never seen it before so thought we'd check it out. Little did I know it would turn out to be a very unforgettable moment...

So the book is all about this acorn who, as he grows, has to leave his momma oak tree and go out on his own and become this giant oak, and he does and he holds swings and tree houses and all this good stuff...great story. So sweet...but when we finished reading the story, I looked at my kids. W is crying, silent tears running down his face, his giant gorgeous eyes all red. I'm serious, folks. These are real, my heart hurts tears....

"W! What's wrong?", I asked.

"Momma, that story is so sad!!! It made me cry."

"What part made you cry, baby?"

"The baby acorn had to leave his momma!!! That is so scary!"

In the book, the momma oak tree tells baby acorn over and over again "There is a giant oak inside of you. Just be the tree God made you to be." So I tell W - yes, he had to leave his momma, but that's what God made him to do, to become the giant tree he was supposed to...this was not helping W's hurting heart at all...

He says "I don't want to ever leave you, momma."

"W, you will have to someday in order to become the great man of God that I know God has created you to be...but it's not today. It's not next week. You have a long time until you have to leave..."

A is listening intently to all of this, very concerned about her little brother...hugging him, loving on him. So I seize the opportunity to lighten the mood...

"Besides, A will have to leave before you do...and that means we'll have 2 whole years just us while she's out becoming the tree she is supposed to be!"

That got a smile...what he didn't know is he had totally made my heart smile.

Man, how I love that boy...the boy who will one day be a man who will have to leave me because there is a giant oak inside of him and he needs to become the tree God made him to be.

And here we go....

2010-03-02T08:19:00.000-08:00

I've been mentally preparing myself to have "the talk" with A for several months now....ok, a year. Ever since we were driving down the road talking about winter turning to spring and what our favorite things about that are and A says "it's when the grass turns green, the flowers start coming out, and all the animals start breeding..." A is quite the little science geek and she sees things through that science-filter most of the time....

So, I've researched, talked to people, and read books. Talked to Dear Hubby to get our game plan... tried to psyche myself up, tried to figure out how much to share and how much can wait...I've prayed. Yes. I've prayed. Ok, God...don't let me sound like an idiot, ok? Don't let me scar her for life! And could you just send me a nice little sign when the time is right? That would be nice... My mom never attempted to give me "the talk" until I was 22 years old and engaged to be married. I have nothing to go by here, people. Don't make fun of my need to be overly prepared.

Then, a few weeks ago, AGAIN driving in the car to take W to taekwondo, A&W start talking about babies...and ask me to tell them again how A used to get the hiccups all the time when she was in my tummy and how W used to stick his booty out or kick me in the ribs. Good times, good times...they love hearing stories about themselves in-utero.

A's thought process got to rolling and she stops for a second and says "Mom - how DOES the baby get in there?"

Me: "Well, A...."

A interrupts: "I know God does it, Mom...I mean, HOW does he do it?" Dang...she shot me down before I even had a chance to use the God card.

Did I tell her? No...I didn't think it was appropriate in front of my 6 year old son (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)...so I used a stall tactic...she persisted for a few minutes but eventually got distracted and forgot.

Was that my moment? God, you forgot the sign to give me time to warm up! What if I pull a muscle or something? Besides, I wanted to cover some general girlie information about her reproductive system first! Lay the groundwork....you know. Dang... did I mess up?

This weekend, I got to lay some groundwork...it started out as a discussion about B.O. and deodorant...then we progressed to other changes as you get older - bras, mostly (she told me there were 3 girls in her class who wore bras - this is 3rd grade, people!) - and then a whole explanation of ovaries and fallopian tubes and uterus. We ended up talking about periods and even took a kotex pad apart to see how it works.

A never got weirded out or wide-eyed on me...she took it like a true little scientist. She asked good questions, she asked me when will it happen to her....But she never asked me what it takes for an egg to become a baby. And I didn't volunteer.

I'm holding out for summer....I don't want to deal with parents calling me because my daughter is the one who told the whole class about the birds & the bees.

Sometimes girls try WAY too hard....

2010-02-25T12:21:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I posted any W-isms. Man, I don't know why because that kid gives me more material than I could ever use. He finds a way every single day to make me laugh.

Here's one from earlier this week, however, which makes me wonder whether I should think it is hilarious or whether I need to have a talk with some mommas....

I pick A&W up from school...as SOON as he gets in the car, W says:

"Momma, I think there's a girl who likes me at school...actually, I think there may be TWO girls who like me...."

Here I am, just smiling away, thinking to myself - awww...of course they do! You are handsome, awesome, and amazing!

But, ever curious as to how his little mind works, I ask:
"What makes you think that, W?"

W says "Well, Annie tells me I'm cute all day long and follows me around..."

Ok, I think - sounds pretty obvious that she likes him. "What about the other one?"

"Katie? Oh, this one is the one I'm not sure about....she plays with my hair. Does that mean she likes me, Momma?"

WHOA!!! Hold up! Playing with his hair? Ummm, that's a little forward, isn't it? What do these mommas teach them? I actually almost lost it...I had to hold in my laugh. And W kept talking.

"And at lunch today, I sat down at my table...and then Katie came and sat on one side of me and Annie sat on the other side and made a W sandwich....next year, Annie is moving to another school, so she should be off my back. Now all I have to do is get rid of Katie."

Well, guess we are going to talk about the fine art of flirting WAY earlier than I ever anticipated. W just shouldn't be so darn adorable, I guess. :)

*Note: Names were changed to protect the identity of the little harlots..oops, I mean flirt-meisters.

A little light reading...

2010-02-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

"A" wrote these poems back in the fall...I've kept them on my desk at work because they make me smile every time I think about them...tried to scan them in but having issues...I'll come back and add later...in the meantime, I've typed them out for your reading pleasure:

to mom and dad

LEAVES

I huddle underneath you

in the fall. I sway high

above you in the spring.

I turn greener in the

summer. In the winter

I'm covered by snow.

*This one is pretty deep to me..like a commentary on her life. When she's young, she huddles under her parents, then comes a time in life when she sways high above us (bratty teenager perhaps?), then she becomes more productive (greener) and then is covered by snow in her old age. :)

to: dad

ROCK

I sit on the

ground all

day and night

with nothing to do

but watch life

pass by.

* All I could do is laugh when I read this and make fun of Dear Hubby

to: mom

GRASS

I sway in the wind and

grow tall and thin

also give homes to many

insects.

* And then I read mine...what the heck? I like the growing tall and thin part, but not sure what to make of swaying in the wind or giving home to many insects. Is she making a commentary on my housekeeping habits? :) Now I've changed my mind - no deep metaphorical meaning - they are just about rocks and grass. Period. I hope.

Tough Lesson on Light

2009-10-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

As my fam is getting ready for our annual LighttheNight festivities this weekend, I was thinking back through the year about times when I have been so proud of A&W for being that Light...for bringing Jesus into their everyday lives and interactions with people...

One of W's was very recent. At my regular parent-teacher conference, his teacher tells me that she recently witnessed a whole little theological discussion between my W and two of his classmates that he sits between. One of his classmates is a little girl from Russia and one is a little boy from a family with Muslim background. I kind of knew something was up because W had told me one day that the little girl sitting next to him didn't believe God made us. Anyway, his teacher reported to me that she was waiting for them to ask her a question because she cannot initiate any sort of religious conversation but if they ask her, then she can talk about it with them. However, they never asked her a question. The three of them just talked about God and about Jesus and about their beliefs...and W knew what he believed and explained it to them very well. Way to go, son!

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING WAS WRITTEN WITH A's PERMISSION! SHE WANTED TO SHARE HER "STORY" IN HOPES IT WOULD HELP OTHERS BRING THINGS TO THE LIGHT.

When I thought about A and the notion of "light" - a different aspect of "light" came to mind. One where she learned a tough lesson and I almost had a nervous breakdown. A went to church camp for the first time this summer - it was a Friday through Sunday camp - with other kids from church and our children's minister, Ms. Lesa. She had such an amazing time and came home very excited and on fire for Jesus...but as the days and weeks went by, I started noticing she was not sleeping well, she had dark circles under her eyes, she was really snippy and overly emotional and getting into way more trouble than usual. I knew something was brewing beneath the surface. I started worrying about her health - wondering if a dr.'s appointment was in order.

Well, one day, I ask her about what's going on with her...her eyes get as big as saucers and she freaks out. I try to talk to her, to tell her that it's ok, that there is nothing she can't tell me and that I want to help her. She vehemently shakes her head and seals her lips. I ask questions - are you feeling ok? Does your head hurt? Did someone hurt your feelings? She starts to cry. She pulls me close and tells me she can't say it in front of anyone else.

At this point, my mom-o-meter is going wild and I'm quite concerned. We go into my room, close the door, and get in my bed and snuggle up. She's visibly upset and struggling, I can see her chest about to explode...she's almost hyperventilating. I'm praying to myself because I was more than just a little freaked out. I could SEE and SENSE a battle going on inside of her. At this point, God gives me enough discernment to realize that it's spiritual, not physical. She cannot bring herself to talk at all, so I start asking questions again.

"A, did something happen to you?" She shakes her head no.
"A, did someone hurt you?" She shakes her head no again. I'm confused.
"Well, A, what's going on, sweet girl? There's not anything you can't tell me. Nothing is going to change how I love you, you know that, right?" She looks at me sideways because she can't bring herself to make full eye contact, with tears in her eyes.
"Mom, I did something bad." Okay..... So guilt is the culprit. Whew. Got it.
"A, did you hurt someone?" She shakes her head yes.
"When did this happen?" She tells me "at church camp..."

At that point, I was slightly relieved. I mean, how bad could it be at church camp? I hadn't heard any reports about it from our children's minister. Then I remembered church camp when I was growing up...dang. It might be bad.

She continues to visibly struggle with talking to me...but I finally get out of her that she took a picture of something she shouldn't have. We had sent her a disposable camera to capture some memories of church camp...but hadn't gotten around to downloading them yet. Now I was slightly worried. Did she take a picture of someone taking a shower or something? My imagination starts running wild.

Finally, it spills out of her...and when it did, it was just like she was throwing up. It just came spewing out and it hurt...but afterwards, she started feeling much better.

She took a picture of Ms. Lesa's fully-clothed behind when she bent over to pick something up.... Ms. Lesa never knew it....And it's been eating her up ever since.

While I had to REALLY struggle to keep it together and not laugh, I grabbed at the chance to make it a teachable moment...so we talked about how sin can just eat us up inside when we try to hide it, we are keeping it in the dark and it grows bigger and uglier and starts to rot, but when we confess it and bring it out into the light, God can begin to heal it and he can put people in our life who can love us through it and it doesn't look as scary in the light. And God will use what we've been through to mold us and shape us and bring us closer to him - to give us a story of healing to help others when they are hurting. And we talked about maybe needing to confess to Ms. Lesa and ask forgiveness, too.

And after her big confession, I went into the next room with Dear Hubby (after getting A's permission to share her story with her daddy) and laughed so hard that I cried as I tried to explain it to him...

As I reflect back on A's experience with "light" this past year, though, I'm reminded not only of God's sense of humor but also of God's goodness - that He gave me an opportunity to share in this with my daughter...because since that time, A has brought it up several times and tells me again and again how God's light can wash away our sins and makes us feel brand new...and how hiding secrets in the dark can hurt us...and she always ends it with "And I know, Momma, because, I've felt it...remember? You know....don't make me say it."

And A has given me permission to share her "story" so that others can see how a little "light" can go a long ways...

Parenting

2009-10-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

As my daughter, A, gets older, I find myself asking myself some tough questions...like "SELF - are you doing your very best to create a relationship with your daughter where she feels the freedom to grow into who God made her to be?" or "SELF: are you creating an environment where she feels like she has to measure up to some impossible standard that her mother has created?"

See, I have this "thing"...I set extremely high standards for myself - generally too high. If I can't do something perfect, I'd just rather not even try. When I was in college, going through my phase of figuring out everything wrong about my childhood and how my parents had screwed me up, I wanted to attribute that to my mother...I wanted to somehow blame her for making me feel like I had to be perfect. It wasn't until I had a daughter myself that I had to re-think my thought process.

See, I do believe that parents make mistakes...and that all parents will screw up their kids in one way or another, no matter how hard we may try to do things perfectly (we just need to try to mitigate the damages as much as possible, folks!)...but as I attempt to parent a daughter in a time when it's just flat-out scary to be raising an almost "tween", I can see what a very thin line it is between teaching your daughter about responsibility and about creating this atmosphere of perfectionism. I'd say my mom & dad did a pretty good job on the responsibility side of that...but I struggle with perfectionism.

As of late, I've been hyping myself up to start opening up doors of communication with her NOW (at age 8) about boys and relationships and yes, sex. I've been looking for opportunities to set the stage for later. Been doing my research, reading some great books on the subject..but one general theme has been that you teach your kids responsibility and respect from a VERY young age so that when they enter their tween and teen years, their attitude about their bodies and about sex INCLUDES this idea of responsibility and respect.

As I read this, I thought "YES!!!! We are doing something right!" I have been obsessed with teaching my kids about responsibility since they were old enough to walk...picking up after themselves, clearing their place at the table, loading their own dishes into the dishwasher, helping with supper, putting things in their proper places, having their assigned chores, doing homework before they go out to play. Oh, believe me, we fail on a daily basis in some form or fashion, but we talk about it and we try. The one place I have yet to get it thru their heads that "I'm not a maid, I'm a mom" is in their bathroom, but I digress....

Are we doing something right or are we contributing to issues with perfectionism?

On a typical day, I find myself getting on to A alot more than I would like - to come pick up her shoes she left right smack in the middle of the kitchen floor, to pick up her homework folder and put it in her backpack, to come either finish or clean up some random art project she started and then left out on the table, to bring me back my hairbrush that she borrowed, to put things away rather than just shoving them all under her bed...I have written before how A has this little GT kid personality that is SO outside of the box, and I know it. I know it's part of who she is - that when she is done thinking about something, she moves on...it's almost like she's scatterbrained, but she's not. Hard to explain.

My struggle is where is the line between teaching her responsibility and creating an environment where she thinks she has to be perfect? At what point am I putting up walls between us that's going to come back to bite me later? Am I making her feel like she's less than perfect? I'm sure I am...but is that a good thing or a bad thing? (I mean, "nobody's perfect" is good to know, right? Hannah Montana says so.) I want her to know that I'm the person who will ALWAYS be there for her, that will always be in her corner. I want her to feel comfortable talking to me when she makes mistakes, and yet, at the same time, I'm the person who is having to POINT OUT her mistakes right now, which does not go very far in making her want to TELL me when she messes up. Get my point?

And to top it all off, W is generally a very responsible 6 year old. He's the kid who always puts his shoes right by the front door so he can find them when he needs them. I don't have to get on to him as much as I do A because he just naturally likes order. He puts his homework folder back in his backpack as soon as he is done. I'm not saying he's perfect - he's not. But in any given day, I'd say I have to address these kinds of issues with A at least five times more than I do with W. Wouldn't it be unfair to expect W to do some things and NOT expect the same from A? And how does the whole idea of A being a girl and the self-esteem issues girls deal with play into all of this?

I am so not ready for a 'tween.

Bah-Humbug

2009-10-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

Here it is not even Halloween yet and I'm stressing about Christmas. I made the mistake of writing down all of the presents I have to buy (with good intentions of getting a head start on my Christmas shopping and looking for bargains!) and, while I was at it, I decided to see how much money this was going to set me back so I'd have an idea of how much I'd need to save each month towards this goal.

Big mistake, HUGE. (can anyone name that movie? Come on, CB..we only watched it like a thousand times in college)

Now I'm officially stressing.

Here's the deal - there are some gifts I LOVE to give. I mean, I spend alot of time thinking it through and picking just the right ones and then I just get giddy over watching them open them. Then there are those gifts I just feel obligated to buy because "it's what we've always done" and it's tradition and if I didn't buy those gifts, then the message I'm sending is I don't care about that particular person. Not true, but that's what is perceived. So, year in and year out, I give out of guilt.

Yesterday, I was helping my elementary Sunday school class with their memory verse from last week so they could pick a prize from the prize bucket. The memory verse was 2 Corinthians 9:7

"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." (NIV)

As my little 1st and 2nd graders are trying to pronounce "reluctantly" - it came out more sounding like re-luck-ant-bee - I stopped and asked if anyone knew what "not reluctantly or under compulsion" meant...no takers. So I tried putting it in the language a 6 or 7 year old would get...so here's what came out of my mouth:

"Reluctantly is like you are saying "awww...I guess I'll give if I have to..I don't really want to, but I guess I'll do it anyways." (complete with whiny voice and slouching shoulders)

"Compulsion is like someone holds a gun at you and tells you that you have to give - so you do it but you do it because someone else makes you, not because you want to."

My Sunday school kids nodded their heads and gave a cheer for giving with a cheerful heart...and then we moved on to this week's lesson...

But I have been thinking non-stop about what I was supposed to be teaching them since yesterday. And then I did the whole Christmas list thing...and now I find myself again face to face with one of the demons I fight in my life constantly - GUILT. Guilt has been the topic God has been throwing at me for the last 6 months or so....and here it raises its ugly head yet again. Am I giving gifts out of guilt? Am I doing it reluctantly or under compulsion by some perceived notion in my head or from society? The thing is, I dearly love all of the people on my Christmas list (if you happen to be on it and reading this, that's the truth!!!) but I have been giving gifts out of guilt. I want to be free from guilt. Believe me, it affects me in every area of my life, not just Christmas lists.

I don't want Christmas to be that time of year when I turn into "Scrooge" because I resent the cost or the time it takes to give.

I want to give with great gusto and with a cheer rising out of my heart.

I want to be free from Christmas guilt and all guilt forever.

And I want my kids to really get what Christmas is about.

So - anyone with ideas, the floor is now open. Do I ask God for an attitude adjustment and to show me how to give with a cheerful heart? Do I make some major changes to my holiday shopping list? I need to find the right balance for me and my family while still navigating the treacherous waters of extended family traditions - the last thing I want to do is hurt someone's feelings.

Most Likely to Save the World

2009-08-30T05:29:00.000-07:00

What a busy weekend...my dear sweet A turned 8 years old yesterday. Wait. Is that right? Let's see, she was born in 2001....so, yep, that's it. She's 8 YEARS OLD!!! Yikes...

So, just for A, a little letter from her momma (yes, I'm still momma, but I'm expecting it to become "mom" or "mother" any day now. )

A -

Life with you is ALWAYS an adventure. You have definitely kept me on my toes these past 8 years and I'm sure you will keep things interesting for many many years to come. From the minute you were born, you wanted everyone to know you were here and that you love life. You, my sweet girl, are not a wallflower, like your momma. You are an extrovert, just like your daddy. You like attention, just like your daddy. You have so much life and so much love for all things God created inside of you. I've written before about how you just have this "thing" about you that for the longest time I couldn't quite describe until God_showed_me_what_it_was. You dance through every single part of your life with a song in your heart. You have such a ZEAL for life. You often make me wonder where my zeal went! :)

You are com-passionate and passionate about things you believe in, like saving the Earth or saving the animals. You are such a creative thinker - I don't think you will ever be able to think "inside the box" - all you know is outside of it. Boxes, schmoxes...you don't need no stinkin' boxes. :) Every so often, you and I butt heads over this one, because I like the boxes and I like the rules....in my world, you must follow the rules, color inside the lines, follow instructions. In your world, rules and lines are optional and instructions are mere guidelines.

Your mind is always working. It tires me out, girl. I am constantly answering questions or sending you to the computer to look up the answer to your questions. And if it's not a scientific question, then it's something like "Mom, what was your favorite vegetable when you were a kid?" or "Mom, if you had all the money in the world, what would you do with it?" or "Mom, which is your favorite finger on your right hand?" You think I'm kidding. You have asked me all 3 of these questions within the past 24 hours. And, because your mind is always working, you have this tendency to just drop things right where they are because your mind has moved on to something else...we battle over this one - I'm constantly telling you "OHIO - only handle it once!" but that's really a hard thing for you because by the time you pick up your shoes and head to your closet to put them away, you get distracted by something else, so your shoes end up in the middle of the hall floor or in the bathroom or who knows where.

Your interests right now revolve around science (which explains why an 8 year old girl owns a microscope and a telescope, 2 bearded dragons who like to go on adventures, 3 fire bellied toads, and actually enjoys the non-fiction book section of the library), music (SuperChick, Barlow Girls, Misty Edwards, some Radio Disney stuff, Decypher Down, just to name a few -plus playing the piano), dancing, and art. You love to read, to write songs or poems, and to play with any toys that let you use your imagination.

You make friends easily. I mean, if you see them and they will talk back to you, then they are your friend. You just love people. You love being around them and you love on them with a love that comes from someone other than you - it comes from Jesus in your heart. A very precious, very kind heart.

I know, A, that sometimes I'm hard on you...sometimes I push you a little harder or expect a little more from you than I do your brother. I'm learning, too. But, in my defense, it's because I think you are amazing. You have this t-shirt that was actually passed down to you from your cousin, Claire...but it says "Most Likely to Save the World" - that's how I see you, A. That's what I see in you. God has made you just like you are and He is going to use you and all of your zeal and passion. Just wait and see.

Happy birthday, A. I love you like crazy.

Purpose

2009-08-17T13:48:00.001-07:00

"What is your purpose?"

For the record, I always dread that question, and it tends to come up every year or so in church or in small groups...."What is your purpose?"

My purpose is simple, right? We (being the human race) were created to worship and be in a relationship with God, right? Right. Simple enough.

But, alas, that generally does not get me out of it. It is inevitable followed up with "Ok - but what is YOUR specific purpose in God's kingdom?" Why did God make ME? He made me with specific gifts and with certain passions for a reason. I've experienced things in life that have also helped to mold me into who I am and can be used towards my "purpose"...so what the heck is that purpose? Does anyone ever REALLY know this answer? I mean, really? How do you take all of this stuff, mash it all together, and BAM - there's your purpose?

I've taken all of the tests, read a few books along the way...still don't know the answer.

Is my purpose to be "mom" to A&W and to teach them what they need to know about this world, about life, and about our heavenly father so that they can grow up and fulfill their "purpose", whatever that may be?

Is my purpose to be wife to my Dear Hubby, to grow with him, to stand behind him in support of his ministry?

Is my purpose somehow tied up in this crazy career I have as attorney at law? Or am I off-track and need to again seek God's will in where I am supposed to be?

Is my purpose to be a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister or aunt?

Here I am 34 years old - been at my current job for 9 1/2 years - mother of 2, married 11 years. - and I still can't say with any degree of certainty what my God-created purpose is. I think all of this is a part of it, but God still hasn't given me that big billboard that I requested that tells me exactly what I need to do or what my purpose is - these little pieces of the puzzle are great but I can't see the big picture, so I just keep plugging along, waiting for my "AHA!" moment.

So, Phil, when you ask in church if we know what our purpose is, I cringe. Maybe I'm too much of a detail person. Maybe I need to know specifics, God. Have you gone into the billboard business yet? If not, maybe a nice email would do.

That Jesus Guy is Pretty Awesome...

2009-08-10T06:52:00.000-07:00

Sundays are always a hoot around our house...but on this Sunday afternoon, after an awesome morning in worship and fellowship, I had to finish painting...I had started painting my bathroom on Saturday and not finished...so here I was, delicately balanced over my bathtub, trying to reach some pretty unreachable places when in walks A....

That morning in Sunday School, A&W had talked about the creation story in Genesis. So this particular afternoon, it was still on her mind and so she was doing some follow-up research. That led her to the story of Noah and the ark.

"Mom! Did you know the Bible says God told Noah to take 7 of each CLEAN animal and 2 of each unclean animal? Not just 2 of everything..."

"That's right. The extra clean animals were so that Noah and his family could make the required sacrifices. Did you know that, in the Old Testament, before Jesus died for our sins on the cross, that people would have to sacrifice animals in order to ask for forgiveness of those sins?"

Eyes wide, A says "You mean kill them?"

"Yes. Aren't we even more grateful that Jesus died for our sins? Isn't that cool?"

"So we would have to kill Rosie?"

"Well, not dogs. Usually sheep or goats"

And then, there it is. "So Jesus saved all the animals!!!! Jesus loves the animals, too!" So, there you have it - Jesus was not only the savior of the world and the son of God, but he was the very first animal lover as well...A's pretty darn sure he never wore a coat_with_a_fake_fur_collar, either.

Yes, my darling hippie child. Jesus loved the animals...and, by the way, he loves us too.

Brains vc. Brawn

2009-07-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been struggling with the fact that my kids are growing up as "city kids" - complete with the attitudes of city kids. Now don't get me wrong, my kids are fantastic. They are really good, for the most part, but every now and then, I find myself wondering if I'm raising a couple of wienies who can't stand getting dirty or being uncomfortable for more than 5 minutes.

My childhood was so different from theirs. I grew up on a cotton farm. For as long as I can remember, I spent my summers in the field. Before I started school, I played in the dirt on the turnrows while my 2 older brothers and parents hoed. Once I started school, then I was old enough to hoe my own rows, so I walked the cotton field with a hoe in my hand, chopping up weeds. During harvesting, I "tromped" cotton with my brothers - this was in the days before module builders so you had to physically mash all of the cotton you could into the trailers. You did this by jumping up and down on it - or "tromping" it.

I just remember it as a part of life - I didn't get paid for the work I did, it was expected as part of the family. I didn't have the opportunity to say "no" to going to the field. It never would have occurred to me, honestly. Some of my best memories are in the cotton field - chasing rabbits, catching lizards, singing silly songs. Yeah, it was hot and there were bugs and it was uncomfortable, but I never died. I survived it. And today I feel like I'm a stronger person for having grown up on a farm.

So when I think about my kids' life, I want them to have some of that. I want them to have a good work ethic. I want them to be strong in character. This week, they are at Grandma and Poppa's on the farm. I told my mom to take them to the field with them, to make them work and, heaven forbid, get a little uncomfortable. Of course, Grandma can't do that to those kids! Oh yes she can.

So as I'm talking to A about it - she tells me she doesn't want to go to the field. I tell her it's an opportunity to do something she's never done before, a chance to help Poppa with his crops, I tell her about all of the animals she might see. Still, Resistance. Whining. Squirming. Complaining. And she hasn't even stepped foot in the field yet. I tell her that going to the field will make her a stronger person.

She looks right at me and says "I don't want to be strong, I want to be smart." DOH!

I tell her she can be both! That she comes from a long line of strong women and she'd better just get used to being strong. Again, she tells me she'll be smart instead.

Finally, I pull out the big guns - I tell her that if I hear that she refused to go to the field, that she whined and complained, that she didn't work when asked to, then there would be no TV for the rest of the summer.

Resistance is Futile. Mom wins again.

Planes, no Trains, Automobiles, and few Roller Coasters

2009-07-12T16:57:00.001-07:00

So, settling back into life after our crazy, fantastic trip to San Diego...it was our very first attempt at a full-fledged vacation with the kids where we flew, rented a car, and stayed in hotels...and, despite all of my pessimism going into it, it was awesome!!! I have to say, I was so proud of my kids...even though they had to be exhausted (if how I felt was any measure), they kept their bad attitudes in check, there was little sibling in-fighting, and the trip was really really great...

SO - while there, we saw La Jolla Cove amd the sea lions, the San Diego Zoo, Sea World San Diego, the USS Midway, took a harbor tour, spent an afternoon at Coronado Island on the beach, and spent 2 days at Legoland...and had an amazing time!!!

Here are a few of my favorite pics from the adventures...

First airplane ride for both of my kids...we got to fly over the Grand Canyon and saw it from 28,000 feet!!!

First ocean experience for either of my kids....neither had ever even seen one before, much less put their feet into it...this was by far my favorite part of the trip - watching their faces and seeing the joy and wonder in their eyes as they tried to wrap their brains around how HUGE and mysterious the ocean is...

Getting REALLY up close and personal with a hippo at the zoo....

Sitting in the "Soak Zone" at Shamu's show yet somehow not getting soaked!!!

We were able to tour the USS Midway - a naval aircraft carrier made into a museum. The kids loved being able to get up into some of the airplanes and pretending to fly....By the time we left there, it was "Captain W" and "Commander A"....

Some good beach time on Coronado Island...A must have walked up and down the beach a dozen times, retrieving every shell she could find...the water was really cold but this was a blast..with the exception of the seagulls who decided to eat all of our potato chips while we walked on the beach..and then, after I chased them away, they continued to stalk us for the rest of the afternoon, just hoping for a treat..

Some good swim time at the resort's pool...a nice, heated 82 degree pool....much warmer than the ocean!

And, last, but certainly not least - LEGOLAND!!! The kids LOVED this place...and you cannot even dream in your wildest imagination all of the things that were made out of legos there...no joke. Here are a few samples...

Anyone who knows W well at all knows that he is all about Star Wars...afterall, he is an official Jedi Knight!

Dad was a bit worn out by all of the adventures..so he found this nice Lego Man to take a nap next to... :)

Here we go!

2009-06-27T08:19:00.001-07:00

And we are off!!! First plane ride for Abby and Will! San Diego here
we come!!!

What a weekend

2009-05-31T05:35:00.001-07:00

3 graduations in 2 days....whew! Lots of time on the road, but we made it!!!

It all started on Thursday morning at 8:15 am - W's kinder graduation. Bittersweet for Mom, but an awesome celebration for W....

Then, on Thursday night, one of my gorgeous nieces, Loo, graduated from 8th grade. Yes, I realize most schools don't still have 8th grade graduations, but Loo lives in a small town and they still do...and it's important. So we went. She looked beautiful, even though my mom couldn't believe she paid money to get her hair to looked all messed up. :) It's the style, Grandma, it's the style.

TuTu and Loo, my graduating nieces!

Sorry about the closed eyes pic, Loo!

Finally, on Friday night - the main event. My oldest niece, TuTu, graduated from high school. I've written about TuTu before here and here. She is a beautiful, tenderhearted, amazing young woman who I have lots of fun with and love with all that is in me. I was only 16 years old when she was born and have LOVED being her aunt..she'll be attending college at South Plains first and then on to Tech, so my hope is we will see LOTS more of her. :)

This is K'Did, TuTu, and Loo - my 3 oldest nieces. I have one more, Kylee M, who is not in this pic!

Throw in a couple of end of school party's (A Luau for A and a good old fashioned cook out for W) and it was one celebratory weekend. I, unfortunately, had to work during the school parties, but Dear Hubby pinch-hit and managed to come out looking like Dad of the Year, I'm sure. :)

Oh, and today is promotion Sunday, W moves up to the elementary class...and then Dear Hubby and I get to sponsor a pizza party at Mr. Gatti's for the elementary girls children's church class for beating the boys in a class contest. Does the fun never end?

Facelift

2009-05-13T09:04:00.001-07:00

My blog got a facelift!! Thanks to Becky at CheeseMyHead for the new look!!! She is one very talented momma! :) I told her I needed it to not be too girly, since the blog was about W, too, and that A is a future "save the world" kind of gal, not really all fru-fru and lace. Becky did a fabulous job.

On to another kind of "facelift", I suppose....God has been really hammering and convicting me lately for not finding time to just "be" - for me to get away and just spend time in his presence. So many distractions!!! My husband claims I suffer from what he likes to call a "martyr" complex - trying to be all things to all people all of the time and then who I am gets lost in the shuffle somewhere, along with just being a child of God. I mean, it's not easy being wife, mom, daughter, sister, attorney-at-law, aunt, pastor's wife, friend all at the same time. I'm not complaining - ALL of us have so many different roles we fill...I just have let my role of "daughter of the King" kind of slip in the priority rankings. SO - a few things will be a'changin' in my life...I hesitate to even explain or write out loud what I'm doing because I am afraid I'll fail. I'm a wienie, I know, but I'm going to be a wienie who finds some "God" time. :) As I progress in this new little venture, maybe I'll share more.

Dear Will.I.Am

2009-04-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday, my sweet W!! 6 years old!! Craziness. Pure craziness.

I mean, just yesterday you were the teeny tiny little 6 pound 6 oz. bundle of joy we took home from the hospital.

You were 9 months old, holding up your arms to me saying "hold you..."and then patting me on the back to reassure me you were actually holding me, too.

You were a 1 year old with your adorable "buddha" belly and 2 tooth grin.

You were 18 months old, making everyone crack up with your animal sounds.

You were 2 years old and obsessed with all things "Melmo" and with Blanket.

You were 3 1/2 years old and STILL not potty-trained, instead making me and your daddy INSANE because of your stubborness. And yes, you started preschool (hey - don't ever tell the preschool director you weren't potty-trained when you started, ok? It was kinda sorta against the rules, just a little bit).

You were my young padawan who quickly grew into a real live Jedi Knight!

And now, here we are at 6. Kindergarten is almost a thing of the past. You continually amaze me, my son. We start the year with hesitation and trepidation and anxiety....but you have taken this year and you have blossomed. You are stronger, wiser, you are more confident than ever before (even though you think your new bike that you got for your birthday goes too fast, even with training wheels...). You have a weird mix of a very structured little engineer type mind and this creativity that just floors me. You recently tested into our school district's gifted/talented program AS A KINDERGARTENER...a rarity, I'm told.

You are a social magnet, I've decided. There is something about you that draws people, young and old, to you. And I am pretty darn sure that something is your heart...you love Jesus like a mad man. You continuously amaze your daddy and I with how in-tune you are with your Jesus and how it's just the norm for you and you don't see it as anything other than the ordinary. I won't ever forget the day you asked Jesus into your heart at 4 1/2 years old. I'm pretty darn sure you have some prophetic giftings in there that just pop up at the most extraordinary times. I've learned to listen carefully when you talk because God often uses you to give me a message.

You are obsessed with your Bible. You constantly have it open, reading as much as you can...and while you are only 6 and in kindergarten, you can read as well as most 2nd or 3rd graders. A few weeks ago, you announced to me that you had finished reading the WHOLE Bible. And it was awesome. :) Made me smile. While you may not have read every word in your Bible, I'm pretty darn sure you turned to almost every single page and at least stared at it awhile. Every now and then you'd announce to me "Mom, I'm in Numbers now...Mom!! It's Jonah!!...Mom, I'm in Izzy-ah (yes, Isaiah)..." And then there was the day where I heard from the back seat "Mom - it's HO-ZA!" I'm thinking, where in the world did he hear someone being called a "hoser?" What did you say, son? "Mom, right here in my Bible, it's HO-ZA!" Ah. Hosea. Yes it is.

You LOVE to get your worship groove on. During worship, you stand in your chair on the front row, jammin' out...raising your hand and telling your God how much HE ROCKS! Your favorite songs right now are "Counting on God" and "So Good to Me"...you worship with reckless abandon, which is so out of character for you...you are my cautious, anxious one normally. God's doing something in you, my son. I can see it.

And you have an inborn (inherited) love of justice - and you are exploring what justice means. I hope you learn the difference between God's definition of justice and the world's definition of justice at a much younger age than I did. You are all about what's fair - whether it benefits you or not. You think of what's fair to others, you are concerned with everyone getting equal opportunities, even if it means you don't get something you want. And you don't like it when things aren't fair...brings to mind a recent random conversation I had with you...quite random.

We are at home from church, just you and me, on Easter Sunday. You were running a fever. A had gone to church with Daddy. Out of the blue, you look at me and you say"A says when she farts, that it's me or Daddy...but it's her, Momma. She thinks she never ever farts. That's not fair." I almost fell in the floor right there. Oh, how I love you. Oh how you make me smile.

And speaking of your sister, you have such a funny relationship with her...you adore her and she is your best friend, but at the same time, you are no longer her doormat. You still get "snookered" by her mental gymnastics on occasion, and when you do, it hurts your feelings and we are likely to see tears. But there are other times when you stand up for yourself and put her in her place. I mean, she may be taller and older than you, but trust me. You are one stubborn dude...and as for physical strength, Daddy's been playing "trade punches" with you (I'm told it's a guy thing), and he can attest to how strong you are, dear W.

So, happy 6th birthday, my son. I am so thankful to God for putting you in our family. Thank you for still choosing the most random moments to tell me that you love me. Thank you for making me smile every single day of our life.

The 3 Week Escape....

2009-04-15T06:56:00.001-07:00

If you have been reading this blog for long, you know we have 2 bearded dragons - Randall (mean and ferocious and blind in one eye) and Renny (smaller, less ferocious, and a girl). They both reside in A's room, even though Renny is technically W's pet.

Well, about 3 weeks ago, Renny disappeared. I didn't really fret because she has done that before and dug under the sand in her terrarium to hibernate for a week or so at a time. So no big deal.

A week after she went incognito, Dear Hubby decided to change out the bedding in the terrarium and put in some kind of coconut shaving stuff that Walter's World of Pets sold him for reptiles. So he needed to dig Renny out. Except Renny was not there...she was nowhere to be found in her shared terrarium with Randall...he sifted through every last piece of sand - afraid an avalanche had buried her or that Randall had decided to turn carnivorous and eaten her...nothing. Not a trace of Renny. No clues. She just disappeared into thin reptile air.

Our next thought was she got out - or someone let her out (umm, maybe a 7 year old who happens to love all things reptilian?) - or someone forgot to close the lid good after giving them water? Oh, great...you know how much I love the reptiles. So we started doing a search for her...we looked under everything. We checked behind every door, we looked in closets, in shoes. Nada. Where could she have gone and how long had she been gone? Yikes.

Well, 3 weeks go by and no signs whatsoever of Renny....until last night. About 9.30 pm, A comes RUNNING in telling Dear Hubby and I that she found Renny! WHAT? She says "I did! She's right here! I'm holding her!" Sure enough she was.

"I was laying in bed and I heard this scratch, scratching from my closet. I thought - could that be Renny? So I got out of bed and went and looked! And there was Renny! Sitting in my baby doll basket on a baby blanket!!" Ummm...how many 7 year old girls would go investigate a strange noise coming from their closet in the middle of the night? I would have screamed like a girl and asked my daddy to come get the boogie man.

So Renny came home after her 3 week escape. There is no telling what she did for 3 weeks but it would make a good movie, wouldn't it? So many questions I'd like to ask her - what did you eat and drink all that time, Renny? Where did you hide out? Did Rosie (our new puppy) come sniffing around and you scared her off? And where did you poop, so I can clean it up?

And don't worry, Rowdy Girls Mom...plans have been put into action to finally move Renny into her very own terrarium this week. No more bunking with the Mean and Ferocious One, Randall. Probably why she ran away in the first place!

The Earth Destroyers!

2009-04-15T06:39:00.000-07:00

I should have posted this last week, but the week before tax day was a VERY long week for me at work...so here's a great A&W story from last weekend (our weekend in Austin)...

We were staying w/the Rowdy Girls and, unfortunately, A&W didn't get the memo that we are supposed to sleep in on Saturday mornings - especially when we are guests in someone else's home - so as not to wake the Rowdy Girls at 7 a.m. SO - I held A& W prisoner in our room - trying to keep them quiet (Thanks, C, for having books in your guest room for my kids to read!)...turned out to be a pretty awesome time to get to just listen to my kids rattle on about life and how they see it...

Anyways, on to the Earth Destroyers....I asked A for an update on how Earth Squad was going. She said it was going great - they had 4 new members. There was just one problem. The Earth Destroyers. I'll give you one guess - yes, the 2nd grade BOYS. Anything that a 2nd grade girl finds fun, a 2nd grade boy will find a way to mess it up - on purpose. So the boys started a club called the Earth Destroyers. Their mission...to harass and mess up the Earth Squad in any way they can. They steal their trash bags, for crying outloud!!! They purposely drop trash on the playground and then hold the girls back from picking it up! "How rude...and how NOT Earth friendly!", says A.

I then probe a little deeper, trying to delve into the psyche of my 7 year old daughter. "Why do you think they do that?"

"They say it's because we are popular, Mom..." She says this with a wrinkled up nose, like popular is a dirty, nasty word that she can't even stand to be in her mouth.

"Hmmm...." I say..."What does it mean - this word "popular"?"

W is quietly sitting by doing his own thing during all of this, but he decides at this point, he has something worthwhile to add to the conversation..."It means you are like FABULOUS..."

I'm still recovering from W's comment when A, without skipping a beat and as serious as she can be, says "I'm fabulous but I'm not popular...." (No self esteem issues here, folks!)

So, while trying not to laugh so as not to ruin my chance to learn something about how they think, I ask "what DOES it mean, then, A?"

"It means you are like bossy and tell everybody what to do, Mom."

Of course it does. Popular girl = Mean girl and she hasn't even seen the movie!

May it always be so. May you always be the champion of the ones who can't champion themselves, A. And I think you are fabulous, by the way. :)

Yea, Earth Squad!

2009-03-25T16:41:00.000-07:00

"I pledge allegiance to the Earth.

I promise to keep it clean and keep it green.

I promise to never litter again in my life.

To Earth Squad! Yea!!!!"

My daughter, A, is at it again...she and a friend from her class have decided to devote their recess time to helping make the Earth a better place...they have spent several recesses picking up trash on the playground and now have formed the "Earth Squad" - a group of 2nd grade girls who spend their time thinking of ways to make the Earth cleaner and greener. I am not kidding. The little pledge above? That's straight from A's mouth as she was eating supper tonight. That's the pledge the girls take in Earth Squad every day while holding up 4 fingers. I have no idea where she gets this stuff. Really...we use the reusable shopping bags and we recycle, but that's about it, folks. I now am aware that Earth Day is coming up on April 22nd, thanks to my daughter. So what do you do to celebrate Earth Day with a 2nd grader? Suggestions?

In the meantime, W is learning all about dinosaurs and volcanoes and Teddy Roosevelt. Kind of random, isn't it?

Christmas '08 - yes I know I'm late.

2009-01-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I haven't posted since the infamous day when the Red Raiders forgot to show up their bowl game and let a stinkin' SEC team make them look silly...I've been in denial and trying to purge that memory from my mind...

But, in the midst of that, I have neglected to tell of our Christmas at all. A very good Christmas...lots and lots of traveling but got to see so much of our families, that it was worth it...

Here's a few of my favorite pics:

A got a real live MICROSCOPE for Christmas! She loves it!

A & W with my Grandmother - their great-grandmother.

Dear Hubby & W, playing with Football Man, W in his ever so cute underoos!

Dear Hubby, getting all choked up as he opens up his gift - a goat through Samaritan's Purse for a family in a third world country...this is what he asked for.

A just being goofy.....and kind of scary if you look at it long enough!

Uncle Kyle threatening to throw W into the Guadalupe River!

My angel boy - okay, so he's not an angel boy...but he looks like one in this picture so I'm sticking to my caption....

A in her new helmet - to protect her noggin' when she's roller skatin' on her new purple skates!

I also got to be part of a very special event this year...it was our first Christmas without our Ma...last Christmas, none of us would have guessed we'd be spending it without her this year. My mom, aunts, and uncles (my mom is the oldest of 8 kids) decided to take everything that my Ma had left on this earth (which was about $1200 - and that's including her IRS stimulus check from 2008!) and use it to make some special memories this Christmas. You see, my Ma, from the world's perspective, was very poor...she had very little in the physical or worldly sense...and yet, somehow, she is the richest person I have ever known.

Anyway, our family rented a lodge at a camp ground near Fredricksburg and all that could met there the weekend after New Years...there were 53 of us there. This is just my aunts, uncles, and cousins, people...there are lots of us. Anyway, it was a very nice time on Friday and Saturday...but there was just something missing to me - my Ma. I was really dreading this weekend because I knew it would be so hard, that I would miss her more than ever and her absence would be so real...the easy thing would have been not to go. But I knew I needed to, and I knew we, as a family, needed to get through this together, so that's what we did...

Then, on Saturday night, a really cool thing happened. I love my family, I have always loved my family...we have always been very close and stick together through thick and thin...but there was some unspoken fears floating around that now that Ma was gone, that closeness would begin to erode away. Saturday night changed all of that. Most of us ended up sitting around outside, with a fire going in a big grill (burn ban, no campfires!), just talking...and when I say "just talking" - I mean talking in a way that people started sharing crazy childhood stories, laughing, talking about all of the lives my Ma had touched, how she had been the hands and feet to Jesus for so many and then telling each other about those specific individuals that Ma had touched ...that evolved into many of us sharing our feelings about Ma, about losing her, about what this family meant...one of my uncles had gotten a single word from God to describe Ma and her life - Vast. Vast in the sense of how large God had made her territory (Prayer of Jabez, anyone?)...vast in the sense of how deep and how wide and how amazing her love was for all of us...vast in the sense of how far reaching her influence was and vast in her legacy and in her love for Jesus. We prayed together, we sang together, we laughed, we cried, we listened to one of my uncles play the harmonica....the sense of our common ties was so strong, you could feel it...and the sense of how much Ma loved all of us was just as strong...

I left that weekend feeling like I had re-bonded with my roots, with my zany, eccentric, beautiful, and amazing family. I left there still missing my Ma but feeling a peace that I haven't felt since she died. I left there knowing Ma was smiling at us from Heaven, saying "I love you more!"

The only picture I have where you can see most of us...we were playing the "Right" game - a very strange little tradition Ma started many years ago.

Tough day

2009-01-02T16:03:00.000-08:00

It's a tough day to be a red raider...heck it's tough all of the time!
So many ups and downs, it's like riding a roller coaster. Final score
34-47, Ole Miss.

Question

2009-01-02T13:07:00.000-08:00

Any one know what "hoddy toddy" means? That apparently is ole miss's
battle cry but we have no idea what it means.....thought graham was
going to make that rushing TD...that would have been awesome.

Sent from my iPhone

Uh oh

2009-01-02T12:13:00.000-08:00

14-14....come on, Raiders!!! Get it together!!!

Pickin cotton!

2009-01-02T11:46:00.000-08:00

14-0, baby!

2009-01-01T14:03:00.000-08:00

Mobile blogging!!!

2009-01-01T13:49:00.001-08:00

A test run on mobile blogging!

Dear Hubby & I are driving down the highway on a good old fashioned
roadtrip to the Cotton Bowl!!! Woo hoo! Wreck 'em, Tech !!!!

Firsts...

2008-12-22T09:09:00.000-08:00

My kids are 5 and 7...and I was just about to the point that I thought there wouldn't be a whole lot of "firsts" to commemorate - like first steps, very smiles, first day of kindergarten...

Ok - so evidently I'm wrong. On Saturday night, our family had a first - a first bloody nose....and believe it or not, it wasn't my son. My daughter, A, got smacked....by her brother...and I wasn't even there to witness it.

Dear Hubby and the kids had taken a quick trip to Nonni & Pop's house to clear out of the house so I could finish up some Christmas cleaning and stuff (and a good excuse to watch the Dallas Cowboys game, since you can only see it on the NFL network if you have Dish around here)...the story I got was that on the drive there, A kept pestering W...and pestering...and pestering...and picking...and pestering some more. Dear Hubby has long said that one day, W will get fed up with it and A won't stand a chance. Her mental gymnastics won't save her. Evidently that day was Saturday. W got pushed too far and threw an elbow her way...and connected with her nose.

A tells her daddy that she thinks something is wrong with her nose...as she wipes blood onto her hand. Dear Hubby looks back and she has blood gushing onto her clothes and her coat. He hands her the first thing he can find to put pressure on it, calls Nonni and tells her they are almost to her house and for her to be prepared for the bloody nose. Nonni was prepared...they stopped the bleeding, washed all of the blood out, and I would have never known except for Dear Hubby telling me and for W's guilty confession. I'm not sure who was more shocked when it happened, A or W. So just when I thought my kids were old enough to not have very many "firsts" left, there it is...

Another first - last Wednesday, A had the opportunity to sing her very first on-stage solo. And she did fantastic. Her daddy pointed out to me that it would be her first opportunity to tell about Jesus through her singing (at least in a public setting)...and he had the great honor of accompanying her. She was supposed to choose a Christmas song to sing at Santa Land, an event here with lights and a huge tree and Santa & Mrs. Claus. All of her vocal teacher's students were singing...alot of the kids chose cute Christmas songs, like "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" or "Rudolph", but she and her daddy chose "Do You Hear What I Hear?" because it tells the story of the night Jesus was born through different characters. Getting prepared for the performance was stressful, to say the least, because her drama monster came out and took over, but once she hit the stage, it was clear sailing....and I have to say that her daddy and I both got a little choked up....her letting her light shine and using this love for music she has to tell about Jesus. Awesome.

Here's the youtube link to her performance...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YupnF2K1oT0

She also sang in her second performance with her little trio...here they are: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t65T0yvsFSk&feature=related

Wreck 'em, Tech!!!

2008-11-13T11:36:00.000-08:00

In case anyone who reads this blog doesn't know, my Red Raiders are 10-0 and playing like I've never seen them play before!! Dear Hubby and I have season tickets and have been going to the home games and cheering our hearts out! And no, we were not part of the enormous group that rushed the field after the Texas Tech/UT game...but we watched it and screamed at them to get off the field before they cost us the game!! Ha ha!!!

Anyways, everyone in our house is Red Raider crazy these days....and then the kids discovered, while eating breakfast yesterday, that they can even cheer for the Red Raiders while partaking of their poptarts...check this out!!!

A Taste of Things to Come

2008-11-13T10:50:00.000-08:00

So, today was the school "Thanksgiving" lunch for kindergarten and 2nd grade...Dear Hubby was going to have turkey and all the trimmings with both kiddos today. On the way to school this morning, A asks me - "Is it sandwich turkey or turkey thanksgiving turkey?" I told her thanksgiving turkey. She freaks out. "On the bone and everything?" I told her, no, they would cut it off the bone for her...

After a minute of silence, A then tells me she won't eat turkey anymore, that's it mean for them to kill a turkey. I asked her why it was mean.... "Because the turkey is scared and then they kill it..." "Don't you think the pig or the cow would be scared, too?" - after it came out of my mouth, I realized it was probably not my brightest move.

A's response - "The turkey is smaller, Mom..."

Whew....for now. I have no doubt though that the day is coming when she will tell me she will no longer eat meat at all. So here's my question for any of you out there - at what age will it be appropriate for me to allow her to stop eating meat and become a vegetarian? I posed that question to Dear Hubby - he said high school. Thoughts, anyone?

Everybody Cut Footloose!!!

2008-11-10T15:35:00.000-08:00

A was in her first vocal recital last night at the Cactus Theater...she and 2 other girls were the finale for an '80's themed recital...singing their version of "Footloose" - mind you, these are 7 year old little girls who have only been rehearsing together for about 3 weeks!! This youtube video links you to the show! A is in the middle!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW0JS_ecp74

Light the Night

2008-11-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

So, last night, the Stevens family participated in their 3rd annual "Light the Night" at our house....we really struggled for awhile in our married life to figure out how we feel about Halloween and what we want our kids to get out of it. So, after listening to how lots of other people had done it and praying alot, we decided to try this idea of "Light the Night"...

Basically, we set out with the purpose of being the biggest and brightest lights for Jesus that we can on Halloween...all in our own neighborhood with families on our street and kids that go to the same school as our kids. As Dear Hubby puts it, how often do you get the chance to be Jesus for people and they actually come to you? So we set up on our driveway, put up lots of fun lights (this year, Dear Hubby actually put up our Christmas lights on the house, too!), and figure out ways to serve parents and kids who are out and about...we (and when I say we, it was actually 5 families from our church together) served hot chocolate & lemonade & water, we cooked hot dogs on the grill for whoever wanted one, we popped popcorn in a popcorn machine, we made cookies and brownies, we gave out candy...we TALKED to people, we engaged with them, we loved on them a little bit, all in the name of trying to teach our kids about serving people, about being lights, and how God can use every opportunity for his glory - even though Halloween is considered a "dark" holiday, God outshines any darkness. The kids get a pep talk about what we are trying to do and they work so hard, making sure everyone feels welcome...and we let them dress up, too, and join in on the fun, all in the name of Jesus, amen! Ha ha!!!

This year, from what I can determine from the amount of candy and stuff we had left, we served over 175 kids and their parents....and we had so many tell us they remembered us from last year or the year before and how much they looked forward to it. I know in my heart that when God is present in places like this, it can touch people's lives...so that's our prayer, always...God, just let us love on these people like you love them - no conditions, no costs, just openly and with abandonment.

Saving the planet one fake fur coat collar at a time

2008-10-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

So, my daughter has a deep and profound love for all things warm and fuzzy and all things cold and scaly...basically anything she classifies as an animal. After quizzing her about bugs and spiders, I found they don't necessary qualify for the same level of intense adoration, but she likes them, too.

I've known this for awhile, but over the past 4 to 6 months, it has been taken to a whole new level. She's on the verge of being an animal activist, seriously. at 7 years old. She is drawn to t-shirts about saving animals, she has watched just enough Discovery or Animal Planet to know that there are people out there who are harming animals for what she deems to be no good reason. She is quizzing her Poppa on his hunting habits to make sure he isn't killing anything that he doesn't plan on eating. Where she got it, I honestly don't know...we recycle, we talk about being good to our planet, but we aren't what I'd call hard-core PETA members or anything.

And then...Friday. A needed a new winter coat. I had found some at Old Navy on sale that I thought were cute, but was shopping around, trying to be thrifty and smart...so we went to Target with Grandma. We came across another coat I liked but I was describing the Old Navy coats to Grandma to get her opinion. The moment it came out of my mouth, A was snapping her fingers and telling me how it was...I told Grandma that the coats had fur around the hood. A's words, as she waved her finger in the air...."Uh uh, Momma...no fur coats for me. I don't want anything on my coat where they killed an animal for no reason."

I sat in stunned silence for a minute and then had to desperately try to keep the laughter from bursting out...I gently tried to explain it wasn't real fur, it was fake fur and that no animals died in the making of those coats....it didn't matter to A...."I don't want it to even look like it might be real...people shouldn't kill animals for no good reason, Momma."

Alrighty, then....you go, girl....you stand up for your beliefs, even if it's one fake fur coat collar at a time.

Receding waters...

2008-09-12T14:26:00.000-07:00

So, after 8 and 1/2 inches in 24 hours and lots of hype about the "100 year flood", the waters have receded off of the roadways and parking lots and seem to be mostly contained in low lying areas and parks, etc. There were lots of cars that were flooded and some buildings, too, including Tech's football stadium, but overall, it seems to be on the upswing and looking better...

A & W, in the meantime, enjoyed a very chilled-out day of playing MarioCart, watching TV, and just hanging out together. During the summer, they went through phases where they got on each other's nerves, but for the most part, they had alot of fun being together...there was a shift in how they interacted with each other...ever so slight but I could detect it. In the past, A would pretty much control everything - what they played, how they played it, she'd even tell "W" what to say when they were playing cars or polly pockets or whatever. W seems to have shifted ever so slightly towards making up his own mind. He's not as keen on taking orders from her and he isn't hesitating to tell her so...at this point she still has the upper hand because she'll just outmanuever him with her mental gymnastics (that's my kind way of saying she manipulates him with mind tricks)...but every week I see him catching on a little more and more...before long, he will no longer be the little brother who will do everything she says.

It's alot of fun watching them interact....I can't help but wonder what their relationship will be like when they are all grown up. Hopefully, they'll get along well enough to decide how to care for me in my old age!

Bring on the Rain

2008-09-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

So - Lubbock has received around 7 1/2 inches of rain since midnight and they expect possibly 2 to 3 more inches over night....What? SCHOOLS HAVE BEEN CANCELLED for tomorrow due to flooding(great, there goes our bad weather day in the middle of September!)...on the news, they are saying this is the worst flood in Lubbock in over 100 years. Hubby's boss was driving home from the Tech Wesley and his car was carried away by flood waters, ending up with a foot of water in his car and likely totaling it with water damage. We are all fine...no danger of flood waters at our house, we are up on a hill...but there are places in the city that are being flooded out. I'll keep this updated.

So where is this rain coming from? Supposedly Tropical Storm Lowell? What happens if Ike carries over to us? Yikes.

Those of you in Ike's path, we are praying for you. A & W prayed for all of you tonight...especially Aunt Jan. I was moved by A's prayer - "God, keep Aunt Jan warm and keep her heart warm with you." Amen.

Sept. 11th

2008-09-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

Just as it is with probably every single American who was old enough to remember, it is etched in my mind where I was on Sept. 11, 2001...and the emotions of that day just came bubbling back up this morning.

I was at home with my 13 day old daughter...a first time mother who was desperately sleep deprived and trying to figure out the nursing thing and all of the good stuff that comes with the first 2 weeks of a newborn's life. My daughter's umbilical cord had finally fallen off and so I was psyching myself up for her first in-the-water bath. I was actually up, watching The Today Show while I attempted to nurse A when all of the events of that day started unfolding before my eyes. I was shocked...in disbelief....numb...and as I watched the news coverage, I remember looking down at my tiny baby girl, with tears in my eyes for her, wondering what kind of a world I had brought her into, what kind of life she would have...because I knew to some degree that this would change the course of our country, that unspoken rules of war or combat that we had thought were in place were no longer there...that the idea of "noncombatants" didn't matter to these people - they didn't care who they hurt - men, women, or children - old or young - military or nonmilitary. And I remember wondering how different her life would be from mine because of these events.

September 11th is also my parents' anniversary. They were married on Sept. 11, 1965, so today it their 43rd wedding anniversary. On Sept 11, 2001, they were coming into town to go out to eat and celebrate plus see their new granddaughter, so on that day, my mom and dad stopped by and were probably taken aback to find their daughter in tears and still in her pajamas at mid-day. They stayed with me awhile and talked about the events unfolding before our eyes. My mom also gave A her first ever in-the-water bath - so I got to watch and learn from an expert before I had to attempt it myself.

As I reflect on that day, though, I realize that my daughter will grow up hearing words like "terrorism" and "biological warfare" and "homeland security"...words I did not know or did not even hear until I was an adult. She will always know Sept. 11 as "Patriots Day" or "First Responders Day"....they are having a school assembly this morning and asked all of the kids to wear red, white, and blue so that they could honor our local first responders. She will never go into a public venue, like a football stadium or a large arena, without all of her things being searched. She will never get onto an airplane without having to take off her shoes and will always know the 3 oz. liquid rule. For almost her entire life, our country has been at war.... these things seem like such small sacrifices/changes to me now, having seen the effects of this war being waged against us without us even knowing the name or face of our enemy. But they are changes to me....for her, they are just life.

The Pajamaramas

2008-08-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

Today is A's 7th birthday.....where has the time gone? Where is that tiny creature who used to keep us up all hours of the night with her colic? Where is that baby who had to have her paci to go to sleep? Where is my sweet toddler? Where is my 5 year old, my 6 year old? She is a thing of the past now...A is officially 7.

To celebrate her birthday, she wanted a sleepover/slumber party, so right now as I type, there are five sweet 7 and 8 year old girls (all friends from church) screaming in my basement because Joe Jonas just came on the TV screen as they watch "Camp Rock"....ay yi yi!!! An hour ago, my husband had transformed our living room into a stage, complete with lights and microphones and we had an all out karoake concert....the girls titled their "band" the PAJAMARAMAS....so here's to you, Pajamaramas...and here's praying that you fall asleep during the movie so I can get some sleep, too!

P.S. A - I love you...happy birthday, sweet girl. You rock.

Short update on the salisbury steak report

2008-08-27T16:47:00.001-07:00

Okay - I have an issue my children's school cafeteria. Evidently, when you are in kindergarten, you don't have alternatives or choices on the lunchroom food...while in 1st grade, if you don't like the main course, you have 1 choice (cheese sandwich) and in 2nd grade you have 2 choices (cheese sandwich or chef salad)...so while A could politely say "no thank you" to the salisbury steak and opt for other things, W was going to be forced to stare at this horrible awful thing that his daddy has described to him for years - this "urban legend" that he equates to the most horrible of horribles...on his very first day to eat in the school cafeteria. Why is that? They think kindergarteners can't make wise choices or what?

Anyways, luckily for W he had prepped his teacher that morning on the horrors of salisbury steak...our sweet teacher friend, who was walking W through as promised, asked the lunchroom ladies to give him a cheese sandwich instead...they refused at first since he was a kindergartener until she stressed the urgency of her request with all of the sterness a sweet kindergarten teacher can muster up...so W was SAVED from the salisbury steak by his new hero, Mrs. C. (insert super hero music and a costume w/tights and a cape here) Thank you, Mrs C!!! We love you! We are now armed with the cafeteria menu and will make every preparation next time to avoid the salisbury steak at all costs.

The Day After

2008-08-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

Here's a short debriefing, as told by W of his first day of kindergarten...

W: "IT WAS THE BEST DAY TO INFINITY!"

He had a fantastic day - in fact, I didn't even have to ask 50 questions. I didn't have to ask 5 questions...I could barely get him to contain himself...He and A both were talking so fast and all over the place after I picked them up from school yesterday. We had to have a picnic in the living room floor with our snacks and then take turns telling me all about their days (I literally think we sat there an hour!). W told me about gym and how he learned to salute like an army man...how he learned about shapes...how he made not one but TWO new friends...how he got to sit with a friend from church for lunch...how he got to run and play at recess...he said not one negative thing about the whole day except that he needed a blanket at nap time in case he got cold. :)

A also could not stop gushing about 2nd grade and her new teacher...she said her teacher knew how to take things that aren't fun - like math - and make them into something SUPER-DUPER fun!!! She saw so many old friends...some of her kinder buddies who weren't in her 1st grade class are back in her 2nd grade class...she was on cloud nine and very excited for the new year.

This morning, Dear Hubby (who normally packs their lunch boxes) elected to let them try eating in the cafeteria. A is a pro at it but W, not so much. We figured he needed to learn sooner or later, right? The only thing is that normally we'll have a lunch room menu to know what's being served. Those haven't been sent home yet so it could be anything. Dear Hubby has made the horror of salisbury steak from the lunchroom a legend in our house...so both kids, while never actually having tasted salisbury steak from the lunchroom, believe it to be the most HORRIBLE thing to eat on the whole planet...so as we are driving to school, W is worrying about this lunchroom thing - and he asks me "But Mom, what if it's salisbury steak?" What are the chances, right? But I told him that if it was, there were alternatives he could ask for (cheese sandwiches)...he was still quite concerned but I paid little mind to it because I thought surely they wouldnt' serve salisbury steak on the 2nd day of school - I'm thinking chicken nuggets, pizza, something like that...Anyways, W was concerned enough to voice it to his teacher and she promised she'd walk him through the lunchroom line...

I checked online this morning - they just put up the lunchroom menus today...SALISBURY STEAK!! Yikes. W may not speak to me and Dad tonight.

The Day I Wish I Could Postpone Indefinitely

2008-08-25T10:52:00.000-07:00

Well, the day has arrived...the one I wish I could just put on a back shelf and put off until "tomorrow" for about a hundred more tomorrows. My son started kindergarten today...wait, I need to say it again so maybe it will sink in as reality to my brain - my son started kindergarten today.

That sentence really brings some very mixed emotions for me..my baby is in school all day, 5 days a week...he's going to have to get his own lunchroom tray, he's going to have to remember where he puts his things, he's going to make friends and do things that I don't know about, he'll be spending as much time or more with his teacher than with me...Will he still randomly announce that he loves me 3 or 4 times a day? Will he still pucker up and stick his lips out to give me a kiss ? Will he still say "Yes, ma'm" and "please" or will he become influenced by all of the other kids around him who don't say those things? You know, when we decided to put our kids in public school, we asked ourselves all kinds of questions, but when it came down to it, our heart was first and foremost that our kids could learn to be lights for Jesus...that we didn't want to shelter them away from the world but instead wanted them to be instruments of change and instruments of love for the world...last night, when we all prayed together as a family for the new school year, Dear Hubby prayed not only for their school year and their teachers, but that both A&W would find ways to share Jesus with kids they meet...that they would be that light in a dark world...as much as I want that, I also have to be able to LET THAT HAPPEN and let go....and today I find myself struggling with the letting go part...

SO - instead of focusing on me, I'm going to write a letter to W and tell him all about his first day:

"YEAH, W!!! You started kindergarten today!! You were so brave and just took it in stride...way to go. You were quite worried for the few weeks before about how you would wake up in time to get to school, for some reason...as if Mom or Dad waking you up, like we have for the past, oh, I don't know...5 YEARS...just wasn't good enough. So we made sure you had an alarm clock and that you knew how to work it and I know between you and me we checked it at least 10 times last night to make sure it was set properly. I was really concerned that you might get really anxious the first morning, but you were amazing this morning...you even wet and combed your own hair. :)

I fought back the tears and just about had them under control until you told me in the car that you didn't want me to walk with you to class, that you knew where your classroom was and could go by yourself. Then I felt the tears resurfacing...A must have seen it, too, because she loudly pronounced to her little brother "W, she WANTS to walk you to class...you should let her." Thinking about it for a minute, you acquiesed (THANK YOU, LORD!!! I can only handle one step of independence at a time this week) and let me walk you to class. You stood in front of the school sign and in front of your classroom door and let me take your picture...you smiled when I told you to have a good day and then quickly went back to playing with your play-dough...you never turned around to wave, you never saw me blowing you one last kiss....you were a very brave boy and I am so excited for you - for all of the adventures and experiences you will have, for all that you will learn, for the friends you will meet, for the person God is going to make you into now that you have the added title of being an elementary school student.

You have a wonderful teacher...you know her, you love her, she loves you so much...she has been your children's church teacher and VBS teacher at church since you were so little...and she is our lifegroup leader and dear, dear friend...I thank God for her and for the ease of transition that having her for your teacher brings for you and your little anxious mind. And God has continuted to amaze me with how much thought He has put into taking care of you - how well he knows you...a new friend we met this summer who lives about 8 houses down from us is in your class, a friend from your private preschool for the last 2 years is in your class, sweet friends from church are in your school and will see you throughout the day to offer encouragement and friendly faces...and your sister is full of love and advice and not treating you like a pariah (yet)...These are all little things that I might not have thought about that would help ease your transition, but God thought about it...

Last night, we all prayed together as a family for this new school year..and one of the things Daddy prayed for and talked to you and A about for a few minutes was how we wanted you to be able to share Jesus with kids you meet in school...whether by telling them about how Jesus lives in your heart or just by being like Jesus in your actions. You looked at us funny and said "Everyone already knows about Jesus, I thought..." Oh, my sweet boy. Up until this point in your life, that's probably mostly true - your family, your church friends, your church preschool...but today that changes. You took a step a little further out into a wider, bigger world.

I can't wait to see you today when I pick you up from your first day. I can't wait to hear all about it. I'm prepared to ask 50 questions if I have to in order to find out all about who you sat with at lunch, what you played at recess, what new things you learned, what crayon you picked first to color your first kindgarten picture. I'll see you soon."

Love you,
Momma

P.S. - My beautiful yet crazy daughter, A, started 2nd grade!!!! She's got the hang of this school thing. :)

A: "This woman is crazy for taking all of these pictures!!!"

W: "Can we get this over with already?"

My Sweet W

2008-07-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

I am planning on posting some pics from our trip to Playa del Carmen last week, but this week, my mind has been on my sweet W.....

At W's 5 year check up, we had a very long conversation with his pediatrician about some unusual behavior we had noticed in W that I was particularly anxious about....he seemed to have alot of trouble with anxiety and dealing with the unknown..alot of fear that would result in what we refer to as meltdowns - where he loses total control of his emotions and of reality, most of the time. (Yes, I do know toddlers and preschoolers throw fits...these are not fits. I've seen my share of fits. These are "the world is going to end-loss of all control-I hate everything-I hate myself" kinds of episodes.) Since he was a toddler, we had also noticed strange things like a fairly intense hot/cold sensitivity and how he would cover his ears to shut out the sound of things like a public toilet flushing or the garbage disposal or buzzers at basketball games. As he has gotten older, we've been able to pinpoint that most of the time, the meltdowns can be associated with a fear of failure or a fear of the unknown. W sets himself up for failure because he expects to be able to do things perfectly from the get-go and if he knows he may not be able to do it perfectly, then he shuts down emotionally or he explodes into the outer stratosphere! He has melted down these last couple of months over something as simple as not knowing how to slip on the slip-n-slide he got for his birthday to going to tennis camp to running through a sprinkler at Grandma's that moved unpredictably.

Anyone who has spent any time with W knows this is NOT normal behavior at all for him. He comes across as a very affectionate, laid back, mellow kind of kid who loves people, who loves to laugh...he is not at all high strung and usually very easy going. So that's what makes these episodes even more worrisome for me...not to mention I happen to know that, as an adult, I struggle with control and with fear and absolutely don't want that for my children...I want it to stop with me, I guess. To see it in my child - I hurt so much for him..I worry that he'll miss out on so many wonderful things in life because of his fear or his anxiety...

So our pediatrician referred us to a developmental M.D. for an evaluation...and this past Monday was our appt. (We had to wait 3 months to get in, but I was relieved it was before school started!) Before the appointment, Hubby and I both struggled with whether to go or not...we love W so much just the way he is, the way God created him, and the last thing we wanted to do was to give him any other idea - that he wasn't perfect to us or that he needed to change. We were going to discuss specific episodes and behavior with this dr. right in front of him!! And we didn't want him to suddenly be labeled in some way that might cause roadblocks for him in the future...or to even be labeled at all!! All that we wanted was some insight into how his little mind works and some tools to enable us to help him deal with his stress and fears. Hubby wanted to back out...I was almost to that point...then we decided we would go for the initial consultation and if at any point we became uncomfortable or W seemed to get anxious during the visit, we could just call it quits and walk out.

The days leading up to the appt, I prepped W - told him about the dr. and how it wasn't a big deal, we were just trying to figure out ways we could help him not be so frustrated sometimes. We've learned we need to prep W for things like this, not just spring it on him - give him time to mull it over. 2 nights before the appt, he asks Grandma if he'll get a shot at the appt. She tells him no, that he wouldn't, he's just going to talk to the dr. Then, my sweet W - he says "It's not my fault I get frustrated, it's Abby's!" HA!! Yes, of course..it's big sister who aggrevates you most of the time, I'll admit it. She is a persistent little thing and knows just how to manipulate W until she gets her way. Gotta love those brother/sister relationships...

I know this blog is long, sorry! But we did go to the appt and it was a blessing...the dr. and her nurse (who happened to be a male nurse named Jesus!!) were both very kind and very sweet with W...and we were able to talk comfortably and openly with them...my fear was that they would get the wrong impression or not understand our concerns, but that was far from what happened. She said he most definitely was born with an anxious personality..but she did not want to classify it as an anxiety disorder at this point because it does not occur more days than it does not occur and it hasn't disrupted his school work yet (preschool)...she explained to us that his anxiety most likely stems from an extreme fear of the unknown - which she then tied back into the loud noises and the hot/cold sensitivities because these are unknowns for him. Also, the expectations he sets for himself are so high, she felt like we needed to learn as much as we could about perfectionism in children now so that we could possibly lessen the effects once he's in school. She gave us very practical ways to deal with it, how to lessen the power the anxiety holds over him when he has a meltdown, and how to prepare him for changes or unknowns that are coming his way...and that lots of creative playtime was the best thing for him because he can act out his anxiety (lots of Lego time! Woo hoo! W was happy to hear that as the newest member of the Lego Club..yes, they have a club.) She also recommended, though, that he be involved in some structured activities but only 1 at a time...so we may try gymnastics this fall. This would allow him to have to face some fears and see that they aren't all that bad, once he gets over the initial hump. We've seen that play out already in t-ball and in tennis camp...after he's done it, he liked it and had fun...but before he starts, watch out...

And in watching my sweet W deal with his fear - whether it's fear of the unknown or fear of not having control or fear of not being able to do something perfectly - has made me look at myself alot closer as well...and I feel like I've started a journey with God to explore these things in me even more than I ever have in the past - I've always just said "Oh, yeah, I have control issues.." and laughed and went on...but God has opened my eyes to see that while that may be the fruit on the outside, there may be more to the root and that together, He and I can get at that root...and my life and my relationship with Him, my children's lives, my marriage - all will be the better for it....

Update on Last Post

2008-06-27T14:03:00.000-07:00

Well, today is TuTu's and Loo's last day here...and W evidently feels quite comfortable with them. This morning, TuTu reported that W was in his room getting dressed and in the middle of the process (while completely naked, of course) he has to go to the bathroom, so he runs from his room to the bathroom....then when he's finished his business in the bathroom, instead of going back to his room to finish the job of getting his clothes on, he comes into the living room (still wearing nothing but what God gave him) where TuTu is....shocked, TuTu asks what he's doing?

W says "I just needed to blow you a kiss, Tutu!!!" and then blows her a kiss....while standing there in all of his naked glory. He turns around and runs back to his room.

TuTu has now heard and seen enough of W and his "boy parts", I believe...she's ready to pack it in and head home. Will she ever babysit for me again?

2008-06-25T13:58:00.000-07:00

This week, dear Hubby is out of town, suffering for Jesus in the mountains of New Mexico, leading worship for a camp there. Two of my beautiful nieces (TuTu - almost 17) and Loo (13 1/2) came to stay with me and keep me company and stay with A&W whilst I am at work...I love it because even thought A&W are the youngest of the grandchildren on my side, it gives them a chance to hang out with their older cousins and they can "BOND"...

Well, evidently W feels good and "bonded"...at least enough to just say it like it is around them...yesterday morning, as I was leaving for work and telling W goodbye, he suddenly felt the need to tell me something very important...

W: "Momma, I woke up this morning because I felt pee..."

Me: Thinking maybe he figured he'd better tell me if he wet his bed, I ask "You did? Did you wet the bed, W?"

W: Looking at me like I'm the craziest woman on the planet, he says "NO, Momma!!!! I just woke up because my penis was full and it felt like it was going to explode!!!!"

Poor Tutu was sitting there and witnessed all of this. Please understand, Tutu is the oldest of 3 girls, no brothers...I thought she was going to fall out of her chair...she didn't know whether to be embarassed or to laugh, it seemed. W, however, didn't know what he had done that made us crack up...he was just stating it like it was.

Why is it again that I felt the need to be all anatomically correct with naming my children's body parts? I seem to recall the notion of trying to dispel the idea of shame or mystery about how God created girls and boys differently - something like that. Evidently it worked. W has no problem discussing his "boy parts" and labeling them with their proper names these days, whether it's just to me, to his t-ball coach, or the church nursery worker. Tutu just got the wonderful opportunity to experience this first hand this week.

P.S. Tutu and Loo have been alot of fun this week...I love them bunches. It brings a different sort of life into the house when you have 2 teenagers there!

Deal or No Deal?

2008-06-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

There are many things we may "fear" in life - whether it be the fear of spiders, the fear of losing someone we love, the fear of losing control...these fears rear their ugly little heads and we suddenly feel like that 4 year old child who was afraid of the dark or of monsters under your bed - the emotions are real and they are terrifying.

This weekend, my beautiful daughter found herself face to face with a bone-chilling, tears down the face fear...Normally, A is my "fearless" one - she doesn't know a stranger, she doesn't hesitate to try new things (except for food!), she's confident, she's secure in who she is...W is the one who hates change or hates having to do new things out of fear of failure or not doing it up to these imaginary standards he has in his head.

Our family went to the lake with Hubby's parents...and we took the boat out to the middle of the lake and stopped to take a swim since it was 100+ degrees out. Everyone had on their life jackets...W jumped in with his Pops with hardly any hesitation at all and swam around like a crazy man. A, however, could not stand the thought of jumping into a lake where she couldn't touch the bottom and couldn't see what was floating around and under her. She wanted to do it so desperately, but her fears held her back...she was terrified, even though her daddy was waiting to catch her when she jumped in the water. There was much drama and gnashing of teeth...so I told her she didn't have to and could stay on the boat with me...MORE drama and gnashing of teeth!! She WANTED to so badly. I promise, we talked about it for over an HOUR...when I say talk, I really mean I tried to reason with her, she cried, I got frustrated, she cried, I tried to be motivating, she cried...I told her to yell "I CAN DO THIS!" at the top of her lungs, she looks at me like I'm crazy...I told her that we would never let anything bad happen to her, she glares at me...finally, I start telling her that most of the time, we make the thing we are afraid of bigger than it really is - the "idea" of jumping into the water was HUGE to her while the actual event would last maybe 2 seconds. By this time, she was able to express to me that she REALLY WANTED to do it and knew she'd be sad if she didn't, but it was so hard!

That's when I hit negotiating mode...I knew she would be very upset and disappointed if we left and she didn't do this, so I tried to sweeten the deal..I told her if she'd conquer her fear, that I would conquer one of mine...that I was afraid of holding her pet lizards, they creeped me out. I could look at them through the aquarium all day, but I was afraid to hold them - especially her pet bearded dragon, King Randall. He's small and wiry and fast and likes to bite people if they tick him off (it doesn't hurt because he has no teeth, but STILL!!)...so if she'd jump into the lake, I'd hold all 4 of the creatures of the reptilian nature who currently reside in our home, even King Randall. That brought a sparkle to her eyes...she thought that would be funny, to see me do something I was afraid of and she wasn't....Her Nonni also joined in the deal making - Nonni doesn't like water and can't swim, either, but she agreed to get in the water w/a life jacket on if A would...

So, after much effort and lots of persuasion, A finally jumped into the open arms of her daddy, who was waiting in the water for her (water-logged after waiting over an hour for her to make up her mind!)....it really gave me lots to think about...how we so often WANT to trust God, to just free-fall into His arms - we want it SO BADLY that we cry and throw a fit and we know we'll be so disappointed and sad if we don't do it - but that fear holds us back..it prevents us from experiencing something new, something exciting, something fun, something comforting - from some blessing that God has waiting for us if we'd just trust Him to catch us. At one point, her daddy asked A if she trusted him...she said "YES, but it's still so scary, Daddy..." It is, isn't it? It's scary to give up control...even when we know in our head and in our heart that God will be there to catch us...what an illustration of my own struggles with God....my fear of letting go and letting Him have control.

P.S. I also got suckered into a deal to KISS the chuckwalla lizard, Chuckie, by W...he made a deal that if he jumped in from the top of the boat, then I had to kiss Chuckie...so I guess I'll be puckering up. Why is it I fell for that one? Oh yeah, because my little W is such a sweet-talking charmer who tells me I'm beautiful at least 3 times a day! :)

King Randall - he is MEAN & SCARY, I tell you!

Me kissing Chuckie, the chuckwalla lizard - not quite so mean and scary...he's normally a kindergarten class pet but A is babysitting for the summer, so he's not nearly as ferocious as the King.

A showing sweet support for her momma by showing me it's not that bad to kiss a lizard.

I also had to hold 2 salamanders - Big Daddy & Sally - who we are pet-sitting for some friends this week...can you say slimy? CB, I hope you are proud of me.

Eat Like Movie Stars

2008-06-09T06:33:00.001-07:00

Just a quick W-ism for this morning....as a fam, we decided to go see Kung Fu Panda last night at the theater..however, it was right smack during the middle of supper time so I told the kids we were going to do something unusual today and eat POPCORN for supper (my mom does it all of the time, doesn't that make it okay?). I know, a lazy mom moment, but what the heck. It's summer.

Anyways, W proceeds to tell his sister they are going to be MOVIE STARS today!!! Huh?

W: "Yeah, we are going to be movie stars and eat popcorn for supper!! That's what all of the movie stars do...."

Really....thanks for that tiny bit of I'm-not-sure-where-that-came-from-in-your-brain knowledge, son.

FYI - the movie was great!!!

June 6th

2008-06-06T11:03:00.000-07:00

Today is my 10th wedding anniversary - I was married on June 6, 1998! I decided to entertain myself (and you!) with some photos from my wedding...we were SO COOL in the late 90's. A is fascinated by these pictures and wants to watch my wedding video, too...maybe I'm going too deep here, but it seems to give her a sense of who she is and who her family is...

Anyway, I was thinking about my wedding day - how there were SO many things that just went wrong that day (umm, the flowers came in the WRONG color, the greenery caught fire at the front of the church, the limo was an hour and 1/2 late picking us up, need I go on?) but I was not nervous, I wasn't anxious, I felt amazingly calm and peaceful. Nothing got to me on my actual wedding day. The worst was the Thursday before...:) But there were so many people who I loved so much there that day - pitching in to help in whatever way they could....

My Ma was there, giving us all directions and keeping us sane...it happens to be her anniversary, too. I chose that day as a way to honor her. I mean, what are the chances of it being a Saturday? It was fate. She and my Pa got married on June 6, 1944 - D-day and smack in the middle of WWII. My Pa was on a short-leave from serving in the U.S. Army infantry. He would end up marching across Europe and seeing lots of things he chose to not speak about ever again. This is the first time in my married life I haven't been able to call Ma and tell her happy anniversary today to hear her say "Happy Anniversary to you, Gayle!" right back...I miss her.

My uncle Stephen was there...he served as the baker and caterer and all around entertainment for all of us. He made both the bride's cake and the groom's cake...and he took care of all of the food for the reception - we dipped strawberries in chocolate, we cut out melon balls, we made little sandwiches, we made meatballs, we did alot...but, you see, June 6th is also my uncle Stephen's birthday!!!! He was born June 6th, 1965. He spent his birthday doing all of these amazing things for me....My uncle Stephen died on June 1, 2001. I miss him so much.

My mom and dad were there...doing the things required of moms and dads at their daughter's wedding...but doing it exceptionally!! I am sure there were a few tears shed, but my parents never do anything half-way and this was no exception...they worked hard...and they celebrated with me. My husband tells me my dad caught him alone before the wedding and told him that he was giving him his treasure, and he'd dang sure better take good care of me. That's my dad. My parents were engaged on June 6th, 1965...my mom came home to tell her mom that she was engaged to find she was at the hospital giving birth to her youngest brother...my mom was 18, my dad was 19. They were married on Sept. 11, 1965 and have now been married 42+ years....

So June 6th has lots of significance for me...and it's pretty emotionally overwhelming...so enough of that and on to the funny stuff...the pictures!!!

Lions, & Tigers, & Bears...& Snakes, too! Oh, My!

2008-05-19T12:22:00.000-07:00

W at around 20 months old - doing his animal noises...by far, my favorite is his reaction to the snake...

My Day for Mothers....

2008-05-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

Another Mother's Day has come and gone...my Mother's Day was more like a Mother's Week, which was fantastic. The kids brought home Mother's Day artwork and presents they made at school all week long...they wanted to celebrate "Mother's Day Eve" - since Christmas had an Eve, shouldn't Mother's Day? (That's A's logic)...who could argue if it got them to behave at least 10 minutes more? :)

On Friday, I got home from work and I heard the angels start to sing - HAL-LE-LU-JAH!!! Dear Hubby had given me the mother of all mother's day presents - he had the Merry Maids in to our house to clean from top to bottom...2 maids/3 hours/rare guilt-free down time for me!!! Woo hoo! It was fantastic. I loved it...there was just something so soothing about coming home to a house that was clean...typically, by Fridays, our house is a disaster area since I've been at work all week and chasing the kids around...I spend a large part of my days off trying to make a dent in the mountains of housework that have built up. NOT THIS MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND!! In fact, Hubby and A&W all think we need to do this on a permanent basis because it made Mommy so happy. :) Hmmm....if only the budget would agree.

On Saturday, my parents and Hubby's parents were all in town, taking care of some errands, celebrating Mother's Day, and they were able to make it to A's end-of-year piano recital...

A did a fantastic job...she never gets nervous at these kinds of events...she loves it. It's her daddy's rock-star personality coming out in her. In fact, when she was 4, she wanted to quit ballet and tap dance because it hurt her feet...but the moment I mentioned that if she quit, she wouldn't get to be in the dance recital on stage at the end of the year, she says "ON STAGE? I GET TO BE ON STAGE?" and changed her mind about quitting after all. :)

On the ACTUAL Mother's Day - you know, the day after Mother's Day Eve - I was served breakfast in bed. Nice, huh? Of course, being a Sunday morning, Dear Hubby was hard at work at his job and not home when me and the munchkins woke up..so the munchkins took it upon themselves to make Mommy breakfast in bed...cereal and a cherry poptart. My cereal even had milk in it and my pop tart was warm. Of course, after I ate and got out of bed, I discovered that the milk pouring was a little challenging and had resulted in milk and cereal all over my newly merry-maid mopped kitchen floor, but A & W had worked VERY HARD to clean it up themselves...so I let it slide and re-mopped later. :)

We went to church, I taught Sunday School, and then A&W and I left for a surprise visit to my mom in Turkey. I had just seen her the day before for the recital, but I just could not let the first Mother's Day without my Ma (and my mom without her own mother) go by without spending every minute of it I could with my mom - and I thought I should go ahead and teach my Sunday School class kind of as a tribute to my Ma, who was a Sunday School teacher for over 50 years (yes, I said 50 YEARS!) Throughout the day, there was an undercurrent of sadness that we all felt, a feeling of loss....but we made it through the day together.

My Ma and My Mom...2 of the most amazing ladies I know.

It made me think alot about my mom...and my ma....and my heritage...and how blessed I am. I got my mom a card this year that was very simple - it read "You are strength...You are wisdom...You are love...." and then on the inside it says "You are amazing..." If I had to sum up my mom in a few words, those are definitely the right ones...she is a tower of strength - not only for me, but for her whole family - I see strength in her character, in her faith, in her work ethic, in her devotion to her family. She is wisdom - my mom is very wise (I won't go so far to admit she is always RIGHT, but she is very wise!) and I depend on her to advise me on many situations, especially when it comes to being a mom. She is love - to watch her as she selflessly serves her family, her church, her kids at the library (my mom's a city librarian)...she thrives on it. I know that A&W have no doubts in their minds whatsoever that Grandma loves them because she spends time with them - doing things together...taking walks, hunting for bugs or frogs or rocks, putting puzzles together, making cookies. My mom knows my kids - their likes and dislikes, their little quirks, their dreams. That was exactly the way my Ma was with me and my cousins - we never ever doubted that she loved us...she spent TIME with us - as kids, she sang silly songs with us, she made us cowboy pancakes, she played games with us, she hunted rocks with us. I'm so glad for that heritage...

I hope that someday I can be even 1/2 of the Grandma that my mom is and that my Ma was....

Laying Down the Law

2008-04-29T11:40:00.001-07:00

When W was a baby, he refused to take a pacifier...instead, his means of comfort was his blanket, who became known in our house as "Blanket"....creative and ingenius, I know. Blanket was made for him before he was even born by my mother (with the help of my niece and nephew). W loved Blanket so much that Blanket began to get very worn and thin and to have very large holes in him...so, at 4 1/2 years old, Blanket needed to be "put to pasture", so to speak...So I made W a new blanket - this one had stuff from outerspace all over it, which I thought any 4 1/2 year old would love (actually, it was the closest thing I could find to Star Wars)...but I could see the apprehension in W's eyes as I showed him the new blanket and he touched it and we talked about putting Blanket away....so I tried to make myself think like W would think and I tried to conjure up in my head what types of fears or worries he might have about not having Blanket. That led to this conversation...

Me: "You know what, W? I'm going to let Blanket and new Blanket take a bath together and while they are in there, I bet Blanket will tell new Blanket every single thing he needs to know about how to be the best Blanket for you...I bet he'll tell him all of your secrets and your dreams and your favorite things...how about that?"

W: (After pausing to contemplate this...) "Okay, Mommy...because Blanket knows all of that stuff."

So we put them in the washing machine together and then in the dryer. I let W get them both out of the dryer, still warm. When he did, he hugged Blanket and told him goodbye and then told me to put him in his closet where he could see him...and then he ran off with new Blanket. We had absolutely no trouble transitioning...I was very thankful. Blanket was practically a member of our family.

Then, 6 months later (this being this past weekend), W informs me that new Blanket has a new name - "Ba Ba"...okay, son - whatever you want to name him is great, right? Nope, dear Hubby did not like the new name. He thought it sounded too much like a baby name and to him, it's bad enough that his now 5 year old son still loves his blanket so much, much less if the blanket has a baby name! So Hubby proceeded to try to suggest new names...Blanket 2, Deuce, anything that sounded remotely manly and not so much like baby talk...W wouldn't budge. It was his blanket and he was picking the name he liked. Hubby told him that was fine, but that he'd make fun of him for picking a baby name (I know, real mature and a stellar "Dad" moment, right?)...W looked at his dad, picked up his foot, raised his knee up as high as he could and then stomped it to the ground...and he said "I'M PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN...."

Alrighty, then..."Ba Ba" it is. Way to lay down the law, son. He must get that from his mother.

The Force is Strong in this one...

2008-04-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

My W is turning 5 years old....tomorrow. We had his big birthday bash this weekend, and can I just say that I am a crazy person? We had an all out Jedi Training Session for W and 14 of his closest friends...complete with costumes, light sabers, and a real live Darth Vader! :)

We had alot of fun, but today, I'm really being all sentimental and finding it somewhat difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that my baby is turning 5.....to me, he will forever be that baby who couldn't sleep without Blanket(and yes, it is a proper name!) and his Elmo...he will forever be that baby who would reach out to me, hold his arms out and say "hold you...hold you..." and when I do pick him up, he pats me on the back...he will forever be my baby boy with his "Buddha belly" and his huge grin...he will forver be etched in my mind like this:

Happy birthday, my sweet, sweet Jedi...

How Can I Keep From Singing. . .

2008-04-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

Recently, I lost my Ma....it's hard to put into words exactly how I felt about her or to describe what my relationship was like with her. My ma was my grandmother...my mother's mother. She was such an intricate part of my life, though, that life without her now just seems wrong, very unnatural. I miss her constantly.

Anyways, she had been sick leading up to her death, but it wasn't believed to be fatal. In actuality, her heart literally just stopped beating. BUT, she had been in the hospital for several weeks. The weekend before she died, I drove up to Amarillo to stay with her for the weekend...on my 2 hour drive by myself, I had lots of time to think and to pray...and one conversation I had with God went something like this....

Me: "God, I WANT my children to know Ma, especially A...she's named after her....I want her to know exactly how fantastic Ma is, I want her to have memories with her like I do...God, my heart is hurting at the thought of her not remembering her. I lost my great-grandmother when I was in the 1st grade and my memories are sweet but very limited..."

God: "Just take a deep breath and listen for awhile, okay?"

Me: "Whatever...fine." - as this point, I turn on my iPod, which is on shuffle...so the next song comes on....the acoustic version of Chris Tomlin's "How Can I Keep From Singing" As I listened to it, it hit me that the song describes my sweet A's heart...she is ALWAYS singing, she is always making up new songs, writing words to songs in her journal, she sings her dinner requests to me when I ask...but more than that, it's easy for me to see how she has a song in her heart through the way she dances through life with a smile and bringing smiles to others. She loves God's creation in nature, she loves art...it's all a beautiful song to her. So when I heard the words to that song, I knew that was a very unique and special way God had made A....the words go something like this...

"There is an endless song...Echoes in my soul...I hear the music ring...And though the storms may come...I am holding on...To the rock I cling...How can I keep from singing Your praise...How can I ever say enough...How amazing is Your love...How can I keep from shouting Your name...I know I am loved by the King...And it makes my heart want to sing..."

At this point, after my realization, my conversation w/God continues:

Me: "Thank you, Lord!! That is awesome...thank you for that insight into who my daughter is and how you have created her..."

God: "Hold your horses...I'm not done. Tell me right now who else you know that walks through life with a song of praise for me echoing in every single thing she does..."

Me: "Umm....." And then it hits me like a brick - my Ma...no doubt whatsoever. That describes her to a tee....

At that moment, I realize what God is trying to tell me - that even though A may not have Ma around physically for years and years, she and Ma share this very important gift and trait from God...that they not only share a name, but that God created them in a very similar mold...and that Ma will always be a part of A, too....all of this took place on Saturday...and Ma died on Monday. God gave me an amazing gift...a very special treasure that I will never ever forget....

And the rest of the words to the song are quite fitting as well...my Ma could have written this song, seriously...they go like this:

"I will lift my eyes...In the darkest night...For I know my Savior lives...And I will walk with You...Knowing You'll see me through...And sing the songs You give...I can sing in the troubled times...Sing when I win...I can sing when I lose my step...And fall down again...I can sing 'cause You pick me up...Sing 'cause You're there...I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord...When I call to You in prayer...I can sing with my last breath...Sing for I know...That I'll sing with the angels...And the saints around the throne..."

God is awesome.

Who are these creatures?

2008-04-10T09:48:00.001-07:00

So, I was looking for something on my computer the other day, and I came across some pictures of some creatures I could no longer identify...

These adorable creatures don't look anything like the ones I now have living in my house. :) Those were during the sweet, cuddly, "I like mom" days....as opposed to the rolling of the eyes, "Mom makes me eat my vegetables and do my homework so she must be no fun" days....in our house, Dad is definitely the "cooler", Rock-Star parent most of the time...

Ahhh....Easter...

2008-03-25T11:43:00.001-07:00

Easter is such a fantastic holiday - all about the incredible, overwhelming, cannot-put-it-into-words love that God has for all of us and about Jesus not staying on the cross but being ALIVE...

A&W were coming off of spring break and 4 days at Grandma's house...and a sugar rush from the pre-Easter egg hunt at Grandma's the day before...then comes Easter Sunday, supposed to be one of the most glorious Sundays of the whole year...

So, since Hubby is a worship pastor, he is non-existent on any Sunday morning, but on Easter Sunday, he is especially unavailable...we had gotten home late on Saturday from a fun day of 4-wheelin', egg huntin', and generally getting as dirty as possible at Grandma's house. A took a shower Saturday night, W fell asleep in the car...so Sunday morning started with a bath for him...and I'm sure the entire pre-school Sunday School Class is grateful to me for that...but it makes us short for time and all the more frantic in trying to get to Sunday School on time (and on time is required when you are the teacher!!!)

The service was going to be a special one - all about worship, so dear Hubby had asked me to keep the kids in church for the whole service so they could participate in worship throughout the service...Ok, good idea, I want my kids to know about worship, I want them to be involved in and have a heart for worship! Awesome!! An opportunity for them to learn why we were created - to worship!!! Woo hoo!!! Bad idea...they are 4 and 6 years old...they have the attention spans of a 4 and 6 year old...and, let's face it, after 20 minutes, if it's not about them, they get bored...so church quickly melted down into a competition of who can annoy Mom the most...playing with her hair, laying all over her, pulling at her clothes, wiping boogers on her pants....needless to say, Hubby and I had a nice talk after church...but the story gets better...

In the car, on the way to Easter w/the in-laws, A&W begin...picking, picking, picking...fighting, fighting, fighting..."A won't let me pick a number!" "W is touching me!" "That's MY side of the seat!" "MOM - W's looking at me funny!" At this point, after a much less than peaceful Easter Sunday, I cracked...I laid on one heck of a guilt trip...it went something like this:

"Seriously? Seriously....we just came from church...you learned about Easter...how God gave his son for us...how Jesus died on the cross because he loves us so much...and YOU TWO are fighting over who picks what number or who touched what inch of the seat??? SERIOUSLY?"

Then, from the deathly quiet backseat, I hear..."I think we'd better play the quiet game now...." That's my boy.

And so it begins. . .

2008-03-19T09:50:00.001-07:00

Okay, I gave in to the craze...I love reading my friends' blogs about their life and the crazy things their kids do or say...and so I will make an attempt to do this so that my kids can't say I wasn't cool when they grow up and start thinking I'm not cool anymore....who am I kidding - they'll say I'm not cool no matter what!!!

Still working on the title - Life with A&W is not a reference to root beer, however, but to my six year old daughter, A, and my 4 year old son, W. Maybe I'll come up with clever nicknames for them...the wheels are already turning.

In the meantime, I'll share with you quickly one of my favorite W-isms as of late...but I must give context...a few days before the clever w-ism, I had a conversation with A that W overheard about what is a buttcrack....and why do we not want them to show. A has a problem with this issue because she has nothing in the seat-us department so her pants always slip down so low that she inevitable ends up showing some "b.c.", as we refer to it in our house. Anyways, a few days after this "b.c." conversation, whilst driving down the road, I hear A & W both start laughing hysterically from the backseat...W had said something very clever that set them both off...and then...he says it as he slaps his leg.... "I laughed so hard, I cracked my butt!" Ummm....did he mean I cracked myself up? Perhaps....but it shall forever be the day that W cracked his own butt in our house. :)