Well, the day has arrived...the one I wish I could just put on a back shelf and put off until "tomorrow" for about a hundred more tomorrows. My son started kindergarten today...wait, I need to say it again so maybe it will sink in as reality to my brain - my son started kindergarten today.
That sentence really brings some very mixed emotions for me..my baby is in school all day, 5 days a week...he's going to have to get his own lunchroom tray, he's going to have to remember where he puts his things, he's going to make friends and do things that I don't know about, he'll be spending as much time or more with his teacher than with me...Will he still randomly announce that he loves me 3 or 4 times a day? Will he still pucker up and stick his lips out to give me a kiss ? Will he still say "Yes, ma'm" and "please" or will he become influenced by all of the other kids around him who don't say those things? You know, when we decided to put our kids in public school, we asked ourselves all kinds of questions, but when it came down to it, our heart was first and foremost that our kids could learn to be lights for Jesus...that we didn't want to shelter them away from the world but instead wanted them to be instruments of change and instruments of love for the world...last night, when we all prayed together as a family for the new school year, Dear Hubby prayed not only for their school year and their teachers, but that both A&W would find ways to share Jesus with kids they meet...that they would be that light in a dark world...as much as I want that, I also have to be able to LET THAT HAPPEN and let go....and today I find myself struggling with the letting go part...
SO - instead of focusing on me, I'm going to write a letter to W and tell him all about his first day:
"YEAH, W!!! You started kindergarten today!! You were so brave and just took it in stride...way to go. You were quite worried for the few weeks before about how you would wake up in time to get to school, for some reason...as if Mom or Dad waking you up, like we have for the past, oh, I don't know...5 YEARS...just wasn't good enough. So we made sure you had an alarm clock and that you knew how to work it and I know between you and me we checked it at least 10 times last night to make sure it was set properly. I was really concerned that you might get really anxious the first morning, but you were amazing this morning...you even wet and combed your own hair. :)
I fought back the tears and just about had them under control until you told me in the car that you didn't want me to walk with you to class, that you knew where your classroom was and could go by yourself. Then I felt the tears resurfacing...A must have seen it, too, because she loudly pronounced to her little brother "W, she WANTS to walk you to class...you should let her." Thinking about it for a minute, you acquiesed (THANK YOU, LORD!!! I can only handle one step of independence at a time this week) and let me walk you to class. You stood in front of the school sign and in front of your classroom door and let me take your picture...you smiled when I told you to have a good day and then quickly went back to playing with your play-dough...you never turned around to wave, you never saw me blowing you one last kiss....you were a very brave boy and I am so excited for you - for all of the adventures and experiences you will have, for all that you will learn, for the friends you will meet, for the person God is going to make you into now that you have the added title of being an elementary school student.
That sentence really brings some very mixed emotions for me..my baby is in school all day, 5 days a week...he's going to have to get his own lunchroom tray, he's going to have to remember where he puts his things, he's going to make friends and do things that I don't know about, he'll be spending as much time or more with his teacher than with me...Will he still randomly announce that he loves me 3 or 4 times a day? Will he still pucker up and stick his lips out to give me a kiss ? Will he still say "Yes, ma'm" and "please" or will he become influenced by all of the other kids around him who don't say those things? You know, when we decided to put our kids in public school, we asked ourselves all kinds of questions, but when it came down to it, our heart was first and foremost that our kids could learn to be lights for Jesus...that we didn't want to shelter them away from the world but instead wanted them to be instruments of change and instruments of love for the world...last night, when we all prayed together as a family for the new school year, Dear Hubby prayed not only for their school year and their teachers, but that both A&W would find ways to share Jesus with kids they meet...that they would be that light in a dark world...as much as I want that, I also have to be able to LET THAT HAPPEN and let go....and today I find myself struggling with the letting go part...
SO - instead of focusing on me, I'm going to write a letter to W and tell him all about his first day:
"YEAH, W!!! You started kindergarten today!! You were so brave and just took it in stride...way to go. You were quite worried for the few weeks before about how you would wake up in time to get to school, for some reason...as if Mom or Dad waking you up, like we have for the past, oh, I don't know...5 YEARS...just wasn't good enough. So we made sure you had an alarm clock and that you knew how to work it and I know between you and me we checked it at least 10 times last night to make sure it was set properly. I was really concerned that you might get really anxious the first morning, but you were amazing this morning...you even wet and combed your own hair. :)
I fought back the tears and just about had them under control until you told me in the car that you didn't want me to walk with you to class, that you knew where your classroom was and could go by yourself. Then I felt the tears resurfacing...A must have seen it, too, because she loudly pronounced to her little brother "W, she WANTS to walk you to class...you should let her." Thinking about it for a minute, you acquiesed (THANK YOU, LORD!!! I can only handle one step of independence at a time this week) and let me walk you to class. You stood in front of the school sign and in front of your classroom door and let me take your picture...you smiled when I told you to have a good day and then quickly went back to playing with your play-dough...you never turned around to wave, you never saw me blowing you one last kiss....you were a very brave boy and I am so excited for you - for all of the adventures and experiences you will have, for all that you will learn, for the friends you will meet, for the person God is going to make you into now that you have the added title of being an elementary school student.
You have a wonderful teacher...you know her, you love her, she loves you so much...she has been your children's church teacher and VBS teacher at church since you were so little...and she is our lifegroup leader and dear, dear friend...I thank God for her and for the ease of transition that having her for your teacher brings for you and your little anxious mind. And God has continuted to amaze me with how much thought He has put into taking care of you - how well he knows you...a new friend we met this summer who lives about 8 houses down from us is in your class, a friend from your private preschool for the last 2 years is in your class, sweet friends from church are in your school and will see you throughout the day to offer encouragement and friendly faces...and your sister is full of love and advice and not treating you like a pariah (yet)...These are all little things that I might not have thought about that would help ease your transition, but God thought about it...
Last night, we all prayed together as a family for this new school year..and one of the things Daddy prayed for and talked to you and A about for a few minutes was how we wanted you to be able to share Jesus with kids you meet in school...whether by telling them about how Jesus lives in your heart or just by being like Jesus in your actions. You looked at us funny and said "Everyone already knows about Jesus, I thought..." Oh, my sweet boy. Up until this point in your life, that's probably mostly true - your family, your church friends, your church preschool...but today that changes. You took a step a little further out into a wider, bigger world.
I can't wait to see you today when I pick you up from your first day. I can't wait to hear all about it. I'm prepared to ask 50 questions if I have to in order to find out all about who you sat with at lunch, what you played at recess, what new things you learned, what crayon you picked first to color your first kindgarten picture. I'll see you soon."
Love you,
Momma
P.S. - My beautiful yet crazy daughter, A, started 2nd grade!!!! She's got the hang of this school thing. :)
A: "This woman is crazy for taking all of these pictures!!!"
W: "Can we get this over with already?"
This is precious! Your sweet heart for your kids ooze out of this piece. I'm amazed that A caught your look and convinced W to let you walk him to his class; that makes my heart soar. I love seeing how God ordained W's path to make it a little easier to navigate with all the familiar faces. Please post a follow-up to let us know what W thought of his first day.
ReplyDeleteoh, I just love it! i am so glad that I'm not doing this mom think by myself. Knowing that there are other "crazy women" loving the dickins out of their kiddos too makes it so much better!
ReplyDeleteWhat a brave and confident niece and nephew I have! Wonder where they got that?
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post! W will enjoy it one of these days and hopefully appreciate the love his Momma has for him. God is so good to ALWAYS be taking care of us. I praise Him for looking after W while he is at school.
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