Firsts...

My kids are 5 and 7...and I was just about to the point that I thought there wouldn't be a whole lot of "firsts" to commemorate - like first steps, very smiles, first day of kindergarten...

Ok - so evidently I'm wrong. On Saturday night, our family had a first - a first bloody nose....and believe it or not, it wasn't my son. My daughter, A, got smacked....by her brother...and I wasn't even there to witness it.

Dear Hubby and the kids had taken a quick trip to Nonni & Pop's house to clear out of the house so I could finish up some Christmas cleaning and stuff (and a good excuse to watch the Dallas Cowboys game, since you can only see it on the NFL network if you have Dish around here)...the story I got was that on the drive there, A kept pestering W...and pestering...and pestering...and picking...and pestering some more. Dear Hubby has long said that one day, W will get fed up with it and A won't stand a chance. Her mental gymnastics won't save her. Evidently that day was Saturday. W got pushed too far and threw an elbow her way...and connected with her nose.

A tells her daddy that she thinks something is wrong with her nose...as she wipes blood onto her hand. Dear Hubby looks back and she has blood gushing onto her clothes and her coat. He hands her the first thing he can find to put pressure on it, calls Nonni and tells her they are almost to her house and for her to be prepared for the bloody nose. Nonni was prepared...they stopped the bleeding, washed all of the blood out, and I would have never known except for Dear Hubby telling me and for W's guilty confession. I'm not sure who was more shocked when it happened, A or W. So just when I thought my kids were old enough to not have very many "firsts" left, there it is...

Another first - last Wednesday, A had the opportunity to sing her very first on-stage solo. And she did fantastic. Her daddy pointed out to me that it would be her first opportunity to tell about Jesus through her singing (at least in a public setting)...and he had the great honor of accompanying her. She was supposed to choose a Christmas song to sing at Santa Land, an event here with lights and a huge tree and Santa & Mrs. Claus. All of her vocal teacher's students were singing...alot of the kids chose cute Christmas songs, like "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" or "Rudolph", but she and her daddy chose "Do You Hear What I Hear?" because it tells the story of the night Jesus was born through different characters. Getting prepared for the performance was stressful, to say the least, because her drama monster came out and took over, but once she hit the stage, it was clear sailing....and I have to say that her daddy and I both got a little choked up....her letting her light shine and using this love for music she has to tell about Jesus. Awesome.

Here's the youtube link to her performance...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YupnF2K1oT0

She also sang in her second performance with her little trio...here they are: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t65T0yvsFSk&feature=related

Wreck 'em, Tech!!!

In case anyone who reads this blog doesn't know, my Red Raiders are 10-0 and playing like I've never seen them play before!! Dear Hubby and I have season tickets and have been going to the home games and cheering our hearts out! And no, we were not part of the enormous group that rushed the field after the Texas Tech/UT game...but we watched it and screamed at them to get off the field before they cost us the game!! Ha ha!!!

Anyways, everyone in our house is Red Raider crazy these days....and then the kids discovered, while eating breakfast yesterday, that they can even cheer for the Red Raiders while partaking of their poptarts...check this out!!!

A Taste of Things to Come

So, today was the school "Thanksgiving" lunch for kindergarten and 2nd grade...Dear Hubby was going to have turkey and all the trimmings with both kiddos today. On the way to school this morning, A asks me - "Is it sandwich turkey or turkey thanksgiving turkey?" I told her thanksgiving turkey. She freaks out. "On the bone and everything?" I told her, no, they would cut it off the bone for her...

After a minute of silence, A then tells me she won't eat turkey anymore, that's it mean for them to kill a turkey. I asked her why it was mean.... "Because the turkey is scared and then they kill it..." "Don't you think the pig or the cow would be scared, too?" - after it came out of my mouth, I realized it was probably not my brightest move.

A's response - "The turkey is smaller, Mom..."

Whew....for now. I have no doubt though that the day is coming when she will tell me she will no longer eat meat at all. So here's my question for any of you out there - at what age will it be appropriate for me to allow her to stop eating meat and become a vegetarian? I posed that question to Dear Hubby - he said high school. Thoughts, anyone?

Everybody Cut Footloose!!!

A was in her first vocal recital last night at the Cactus Theater...she and 2 other girls were the finale for an '80's themed recital...singing their version of "Footloose" - mind you, these are 7 year old little girls who have only been rehearsing together for about 3 weeks!! This youtube video links you to the show! A is in the middle!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW0JS_ecp74

Light the Night

So, last night, the Stevens family participated in their 3rd annual "Light the Night" at our house....we really struggled for awhile in our married life to figure out how we feel about Halloween and what we want our kids to get out of it. So, after listening to how lots of other people had done it and praying alot, we decided to try this idea of "Light the Night"...

Basically, we set out with the purpose of being the biggest and brightest lights for Jesus that we can on Halloween...all in our own neighborhood with families on our street and kids that go to the same school as our kids. As Dear Hubby puts it, how often do you get the chance to be Jesus for people and they actually come to you? So we set up on our driveway, put up lots of fun lights (this year, Dear Hubby actually put up our Christmas lights on the house, too!), and figure out ways to serve parents and kids who are out and about...we (and when I say we, it was actually 5 families from our church together) served hot chocolate & lemonade & water, we cooked hot dogs on the grill for whoever wanted one, we popped popcorn in a popcorn machine, we made cookies and brownies, we gave out candy...we TALKED to people, we engaged with them, we loved on them a little bit, all in the name of trying to teach our kids about serving people, about being lights, and how God can use every opportunity for his glory - even though Halloween is considered a "dark" holiday, God outshines any darkness. The kids get a pep talk about what we are trying to do and they work so hard, making sure everyone feels welcome...and we let them dress up, too, and join in on the fun, all in the name of Jesus, amen! Ha ha!!!

This year, from what I can determine from the amount of candy and stuff we had left, we served over 175 kids and their parents....and we had so many tell us they remembered us from last year or the year before and how much they looked forward to it. I know in my heart that when God is present in places like this, it can touch people's lives...so that's our prayer, always...God, just let us love on these people like you love them - no conditions, no costs, just openly and with abandonment.

Saving the planet one fake fur coat collar at a time

So, my daughter has a deep and profound love for all things warm and fuzzy and all things cold and scaly...basically anything she classifies as an animal. After quizzing her about bugs and spiders, I found they don't necessary qualify for the same level of intense adoration, but she likes them, too.

I've known this for awhile, but over the past 4 to 6 months, it has been taken to a whole new level. She's on the verge of being an animal activist, seriously. at 7 years old. She is drawn to t-shirts about saving animals, she has watched just enough Discovery or Animal Planet to know that there are people out there who are harming animals for what she deems to be no good reason. She is quizzing her Poppa on his hunting habits to make sure he isn't killing anything that he doesn't plan on eating. Where she got it, I honestly don't know...we recycle, we talk about being good to our planet, but we aren't what I'd call hard-core PETA members or anything.

And then...Friday. A needed a new winter coat. I had found some at Old Navy on sale that I thought were cute, but was shopping around, trying to be thrifty and smart...so we went to Target with Grandma. We came across another coat I liked but I was describing the Old Navy coats to Grandma to get her opinion. The moment it came out of my mouth, A was snapping her fingers and telling me how it was...I told Grandma that the coats had fur around the hood. A's words, as she waved her finger in the air...."Uh uh, Momma...no fur coats for me. I don't want anything on my coat where they killed an animal for no reason."

I sat in stunned silence for a minute and then had to desperately try to keep the laughter from bursting out...I gently tried to explain it wasn't real fur, it was fake fur and that no animals died in the making of those coats....it didn't matter to A...."I don't want it to even look like it might be real...people shouldn't kill animals for no good reason, Momma."

Alrighty, then....you go, girl....you stand up for your beliefs, even if it's one fake fur coat collar at a time.

Receding waters...

So, after 8 and 1/2 inches in 24 hours and lots of hype about the "100 year flood", the waters have receded off of the roadways and parking lots and seem to be mostly contained in low lying areas and parks, etc. There were lots of cars that were flooded and some buildings, too, including Tech's football stadium, but overall, it seems to be on the upswing and looking better...

A & W, in the meantime, enjoyed a very chilled-out day of playing MarioCart, watching TV, and just hanging out together. During the summer, they went through phases where they got on each other's nerves, but for the most part, they had alot of fun being together...there was a shift in how they interacted with each other...ever so slight but I could detect it. In the past, A would pretty much control everything - what they played, how they played it, she'd even tell "W" what to say when they were playing cars or polly pockets or whatever. W seems to have shifted ever so slightly towards making up his own mind. He's not as keen on taking orders from her and he isn't hesitating to tell her so...at this point she still has the upper hand because she'll just outmanuever him with her mental gymnastics (that's my kind way of saying she manipulates him with mind tricks)...but every week I see him catching on a little more and more...before long, he will no longer be the little brother who will do everything she says.

It's alot of fun watching them interact....I can't help but wonder what their relationship will be like when they are all grown up. Hopefully, they'll get along well enough to decide how to care for me in my old age!

Bring on the Rain

So - Lubbock has received around 7 1/2 inches of rain since midnight and they expect possibly 2 to 3 more inches over night....What? SCHOOLS HAVE BEEN CANCELLED for tomorrow due to flooding(great, there goes our bad weather day in the middle of September!)...on the news, they are saying this is the worst flood in Lubbock in over 100 years. Hubby's boss was driving home from the Tech Wesley and his car was carried away by flood waters, ending up with a foot of water in his car and likely totaling it with water damage. We are all fine...no danger of flood waters at our house, we are up on a hill...but there are places in the city that are being flooded out. I'll keep this updated.

So where is this rain coming from? Supposedly Tropical Storm Lowell? What happens if Ike carries over to us? Yikes.

Those of you in Ike's path, we are praying for you. A & W prayed for all of you tonight...especially Aunt Jan. I was moved by A's prayer - "God, keep Aunt Jan warm and keep her heart warm with you." Amen.

Sept. 11th

Just as it is with probably every single American who was old enough to remember, it is etched in my mind where I was on Sept. 11, 2001...and the emotions of that day just came bubbling back up this morning.

I was at home with my 13 day old daughter...a first time mother who was desperately sleep deprived and trying to figure out the nursing thing and all of the good stuff that comes with the first 2 weeks of a newborn's life. My daughter's umbilical cord had finally fallen off and so I was psyching myself up for her first in-the-water bath. I was actually up, watching The Today Show while I attempted to nurse A when all of the events of that day started unfolding before my eyes. I was shocked...in disbelief....numb...and as I watched the news coverage, I remember looking down at my tiny baby girl, with tears in my eyes for her, wondering what kind of a world I had brought her into, what kind of life she would have...because I knew to some degree that this would change the course of our country, that unspoken rules of war or combat that we had thought were in place were no longer there...that the idea of "noncombatants" didn't matter to these people - they didn't care who they hurt - men, women, or children - old or young - military or nonmilitary. And I remember wondering how different her life would be from mine because of these events.

September 11th is also my parents' anniversary. They were married on Sept. 11, 1965, so today it their 43rd wedding anniversary. On Sept 11, 2001, they were coming into town to go out to eat and celebrate plus see their new granddaughter, so on that day, my mom and dad stopped by and were probably taken aback to find their daughter in tears and still in her pajamas at mid-day. They stayed with me awhile and talked about the events unfolding before our eyes. My mom also gave A her first ever in-the-water bath - so I got to watch and learn from an expert before I had to attempt it myself.

As I reflect on that day, though, I realize that my daughter will grow up hearing words like "terrorism" and "biological warfare" and "homeland security"...words I did not know or did not even hear until I was an adult. She will always know Sept. 11 as "Patriots Day" or "First Responders Day"....they are having a school assembly this morning and asked all of the kids to wear red, white, and blue so that they could honor our local first responders. She will never go into a public venue, like a football stadium or a large arena, without all of her things being searched. She will never get onto an airplane without having to take off her shoes and will always know the 3 oz. liquid rule. For almost her entire life, our country has been at war.... these things seem like such small sacrifices/changes to me now, having seen the effects of this war being waged against us without us even knowing the name or face of our enemy. But they are changes to me....for her, they are just life.

The Pajamaramas

Today is A's 7th birthday.....where has the time gone? Where is that tiny creature who used to keep us up all hours of the night with her colic? Where is that baby who had to have her paci to go to sleep? Where is my sweet toddler? Where is my 5 year old, my 6 year old? She is a thing of the past now...A is officially 7.

To celebrate her birthday, she wanted a sleepover/slumber party, so right now as I type, there are five sweet 7 and 8 year old girls (all friends from church) screaming in my basement because Joe Jonas just came on the TV screen as they watch "Camp Rock"....ay yi yi!!! An hour ago, my husband had transformed our living room into a stage, complete with lights and microphones and we had an all out karoake concert....the girls titled their "band" the PAJAMARAMAS....so here's to you, Pajamaramas...and here's praying that you fall asleep during the movie so I can get some sleep, too!

P.S. A - I love you...happy birthday, sweet girl. You rock.

Short update on the salisbury steak report

Okay - I have an issue my children's school cafeteria. Evidently, when you are in kindergarten, you don't have alternatives or choices on the lunchroom food...while in 1st grade, if you don't like the main course, you have 1 choice (cheese sandwich) and in 2nd grade you have 2 choices (cheese sandwich or chef salad)...so while A could politely say "no thank you" to the salisbury steak and opt for other things, W was going to be forced to stare at this horrible awful thing that his daddy has described to him for years - this "urban legend" that he equates to the most horrible of horribles...on his very first day to eat in the school cafeteria. Why is that? They think kindergarteners can't make wise choices or what?

Anyways, luckily for W he had prepped his teacher that morning on the horrors of salisbury steak...our sweet teacher friend, who was walking W through as promised, asked the lunchroom ladies to give him a cheese sandwich instead...they refused at first since he was a kindergartener until she stressed the urgency of her request with all of the sterness a sweet kindergarten teacher can muster up...so W was SAVED from the salisbury steak by his new hero, Mrs. C. (insert super hero music and a costume w/tights and a cape here) Thank you, Mrs C!!! We love you! We are now armed with the cafeteria menu and will make every preparation next time to avoid the salisbury steak at all costs.

The Day After

Here's a short debriefing, as told by W of his first day of kindergarten...

W: "IT WAS THE BEST DAY TO INFINITY!"

He had a fantastic day - in fact, I didn't even have to ask 50 questions. I didn't have to ask 5 questions...I could barely get him to contain himself...He and A both were talking so fast and all over the place after I picked them up from school yesterday. We had to have a picnic in the living room floor with our snacks and then take turns telling me all about their days (I literally think we sat there an hour!). W told me about gym and how he learned to salute like an army man...how he learned about shapes...how he made not one but TWO new friends...how he got to sit with a friend from church for lunch...how he got to run and play at recess...he said not one negative thing about the whole day except that he needed a blanket at nap time in case he got cold. :)

A also could not stop gushing about 2nd grade and her new teacher...she said her teacher knew how to take things that aren't fun - like math - and make them into something SUPER-DUPER fun!!! She saw so many old friends...some of her kinder buddies who weren't in her 1st grade class are back in her 2nd grade class...she was on cloud nine and very excited for the new year.

This morning, Dear Hubby (who normally packs their lunch boxes) elected to let them try eating in the cafeteria. A is a pro at it but W, not so much. We figured he needed to learn sooner or later, right? The only thing is that normally we'll have a lunch room menu to know what's being served. Those haven't been sent home yet so it could be anything. Dear Hubby has made the horror of salisbury steak from the lunchroom a legend in our house...so both kids, while never actually having tasted salisbury steak from the lunchroom, believe it to be the most HORRIBLE thing to eat on the whole planet...so as we are driving to school, W is worrying about this lunchroom thing - and he asks me "But Mom, what if it's salisbury steak?" What are the chances, right? But I told him that if it was, there were alternatives he could ask for (cheese sandwiches)...he was still quite concerned but I paid little mind to it because I thought surely they wouldnt' serve salisbury steak on the 2nd day of school - I'm thinking chicken nuggets, pizza, something like that...Anyways, W was concerned enough to voice it to his teacher and she promised she'd walk him through the lunchroom line...

I checked online this morning - they just put up the lunchroom menus today...SALISBURY STEAK!! Yikes. W may not speak to me and Dad tonight.

The Day I Wish I Could Postpone Indefinitely

Well, the day has arrived...the one I wish I could just put on a back shelf and put off until "tomorrow" for about a hundred more tomorrows. My son started kindergarten today...wait, I need to say it again so maybe it will sink in as reality to my brain - my son started kindergarten today.

That sentence really brings some very mixed emotions for me..my baby is in school all day, 5 days a week...he's going to have to get his own lunchroom tray, he's going to have to remember where he puts his things, he's going to make friends and do things that I don't know about, he'll be spending as much time or more with his teacher than with me...Will he still randomly announce that he loves me 3 or 4 times a day? Will he still pucker up and stick his lips out to give me a kiss ? Will he still say "Yes, ma'm" and "please" or will he become influenced by all of the other kids around him who don't say those things? You know, when we decided to put our kids in public school, we asked ourselves all kinds of questions, but when it came down to it, our heart was first and foremost that our kids could learn to be lights for Jesus...that we didn't want to shelter them away from the world but instead wanted them to be instruments of change and instruments of love for the world...last night, when we all prayed together as a family for the new school year, Dear Hubby prayed not only for their school year and their teachers, but that both A&W would find ways to share Jesus with kids they meet...that they would be that light in a dark world...as much as I want that, I also have to be able to LET THAT HAPPEN and let go....and today I find myself struggling with the letting go part...

SO - instead of focusing on me, I'm going to write a letter to W and tell him all about his first day:

"YEAH, W!!! You started kindergarten today!! You were so brave and just took it in stride...way to go. You were quite worried for the few weeks before about how you would wake up in time to get to school, for some reason...as if Mom or Dad waking you up, like we have for the past, oh, I don't know...5 YEARS...just wasn't good enough. So we made sure you had an alarm clock and that you knew how to work it and I know between you and me we checked it at least 10 times last night to make sure it was set properly. I was really concerned that you might get really anxious the first morning, but you were amazing this morning...you even wet and combed your own hair. :)

I fought back the tears and just about had them under control until you told me in the car that you didn't want me to walk with you to class, that you knew where your classroom was and could go by yourself. Then I felt the tears resurfacing...A must have seen it, too, because she loudly pronounced to her little brother "W, she WANTS to walk you to class...you should let her." Thinking about it for a minute, you acquiesed (THANK YOU, LORD!!! I can only handle one step of independence at a time this week) and let me walk you to class. You stood in front of the school sign and in front of your classroom door and let me take your picture...you smiled when I told you to have a good day and then quickly went back to playing with your play-dough...you never turned around to wave, you never saw me blowing you one last kiss....you were a very brave boy and I am so excited for you - for all of the adventures and experiences you will have, for all that you will learn, for the friends you will meet, for the person God is going to make you into now that you have the added title of being an elementary school student.

You have a wonderful teacher...you know her, you love her, she loves you so much...she has been your children's church teacher and VBS teacher at church since you were so little...and she is our lifegroup leader and dear, dear friend...I thank God for her and for the ease of transition that having her for your teacher brings for you and your little anxious mind. And God has continuted to amaze me with how much thought He has put into taking care of you - how well he knows you...a new friend we met this summer who lives about 8 houses down from us is in your class, a friend from your private preschool for the last 2 years is in your class, sweet friends from church are in your school and will see you throughout the day to offer encouragement and friendly faces...and your sister is full of love and advice and not treating you like a pariah (yet)...These are all little things that I might not have thought about that would help ease your transition, but God thought about it...

Last night, we all prayed together as a family for this new school year..and one of the things Daddy prayed for and talked to you and A about for a few minutes was how we wanted you to be able to share Jesus with kids you meet in school...whether by telling them about how Jesus lives in your heart or just by being like Jesus in your actions. You looked at us funny and said "Everyone already knows about Jesus, I thought..." Oh, my sweet boy. Up until this point in your life, that's probably mostly true - your family, your church friends, your church preschool...but today that changes. You took a step a little further out into a wider, bigger world.

I can't wait to see you today when I pick you up from your first day. I can't wait to hear all about it. I'm prepared to ask 50 questions if I have to in order to find out all about who you sat with at lunch, what you played at recess, what new things you learned, what crayon you picked first to color your first kindgarten picture. I'll see you soon."

Love you,
Momma

P.S. - My beautiful yet crazy daughter, A, started 2nd grade!!!! She's got the hang of this school thing. :)

A: "This woman is crazy for taking all of these pictures!!!"

W: "Can we get this over with already?"

My Sweet W

I am planning on posting some pics from our trip to Playa del Carmen last week, but this week, my mind has been on my sweet W.....

At W's 5 year check up, we had a very long conversation with his pediatrician about some unusual behavior we had noticed in W that I was particularly anxious about....he seemed to have alot of trouble with anxiety and dealing with the unknown..alot of fear that would result in what we refer to as meltdowns - where he loses total control of his emotions and of reality, most of the time. (Yes, I do know toddlers and preschoolers throw fits...these are not fits. I've seen my share of fits. These are "the world is going to end-loss of all control-I hate everything-I hate myself" kinds of episodes.) Since he was a toddler, we had also noticed strange things like a fairly intense hot/cold sensitivity and how he would cover his ears to shut out the sound of things like a public toilet flushing or the garbage disposal or buzzers at basketball games. As he has gotten older, we've been able to pinpoint that most of the time, the meltdowns can be associated with a fear of failure or a fear of the unknown. W sets himself up for failure because he expects to be able to do things perfectly from the get-go and if he knows he may not be able to do it perfectly, then he shuts down emotionally or he explodes into the outer stratosphere! He has melted down these last couple of months over something as simple as not knowing how to slip on the slip-n-slide he got for his birthday to going to tennis camp to running through a sprinkler at Grandma's that moved unpredictably.

Anyone who has spent any time with W knows this is NOT normal behavior at all for him. He comes across as a very affectionate, laid back, mellow kind of kid who loves people, who loves to laugh...he is not at all high strung and usually very easy going. So that's what makes these episodes even more worrisome for me...not to mention I happen to know that, as an adult, I struggle with control and with fear and absolutely don't want that for my children...I want it to stop with me, I guess. To see it in my child - I hurt so much for him..I worry that he'll miss out on so many wonderful things in life because of his fear or his anxiety...

So our pediatrician referred us to a developmental M.D. for an evaluation...and this past Monday was our appt. (We had to wait 3 months to get in, but I was relieved it was before school started!) Before the appointment, Hubby and I both struggled with whether to go or not...we love W so much just the way he is, the way God created him, and the last thing we wanted to do was to give him any other idea - that he wasn't perfect to us or that he needed to change. We were going to discuss specific episodes and behavior with this dr. right in front of him!! And we didn't want him to suddenly be labeled in some way that might cause roadblocks for him in the future...or to even be labeled at all!! All that we wanted was some insight into how his little mind works and some tools to enable us to help him deal with his stress and fears. Hubby wanted to back out...I was almost to that point...then we decided we would go for the initial consultation and if at any point we became uncomfortable or W seemed to get anxious during the visit, we could just call it quits and walk out.

The days leading up to the appt, I prepped W - told him about the dr. and how it wasn't a big deal, we were just trying to figure out ways we could help him not be so frustrated sometimes. We've learned we need to prep W for things like this, not just spring it on him - give him time to mull it over. 2 nights before the appt, he asks Grandma if he'll get a shot at the appt. She tells him no, that he wouldn't, he's just going to talk to the dr. Then, my sweet W - he says "It's not my fault I get frustrated, it's Abby's!" HA!! Yes, of course..it's big sister who aggrevates you most of the time, I'll admit it. She is a persistent little thing and knows just how to manipulate W until she gets her way. Gotta love those brother/sister relationships...

I know this blog is long, sorry! But we did go to the appt and it was a blessing...the dr. and her nurse (who happened to be a male nurse named Jesus!!) were both very kind and very sweet with W...and we were able to talk comfortably and openly with them...my fear was that they would get the wrong impression or not understand our concerns, but that was far from what happened. She said he most definitely was born with an anxious personality..but she did not want to classify it as an anxiety disorder at this point because it does not occur more days than it does not occur and it hasn't disrupted his school work yet (preschool)...she explained to us that his anxiety most likely stems from an extreme fear of the unknown - which she then tied back into the loud noises and the hot/cold sensitivities because these are unknowns for him. Also, the expectations he sets for himself are so high, she felt like we needed to learn as much as we could about perfectionism in children now so that we could possibly lessen the effects once he's in school. She gave us very practical ways to deal with it, how to lessen the power the anxiety holds over him when he has a meltdown, and how to prepare him for changes or unknowns that are coming his way...and that lots of creative playtime was the best thing for him because he can act out his anxiety (lots of Lego time! Woo hoo! W was happy to hear that as the newest member of the Lego Club..yes, they have a club.) She also recommended, though, that he be involved in some structured activities but only 1 at a time...so we may try gymnastics this fall. This would allow him to have to face some fears and see that they aren't all that bad, once he gets over the initial hump. We've seen that play out already in t-ball and in tennis camp...after he's done it, he liked it and had fun...but before he starts, watch out...

And in watching my sweet W deal with his fear - whether it's fear of the unknown or fear of not having control or fear of not being able to do something perfectly - has made me look at myself alot closer as well...and I feel like I've started a journey with God to explore these things in me even more than I ever have in the past - I've always just said "Oh, yeah, I have control issues.." and laughed and went on...but God has opened my eyes to see that while that may be the fruit on the outside, there may be more to the root and that together, He and I can get at that root...and my life and my relationship with Him, my children's lives, my marriage - all will be the better for it....

Update on Last Post

Well, today is TuTu's and Loo's last day here...and W evidently feels quite comfortable with them. This morning, TuTu reported that W was in his room getting dressed and in the middle of the process (while completely naked, of course) he has to go to the bathroom, so he runs from his room to the bathroom....then when he's finished his business in the bathroom, instead of going back to his room to finish the job of getting his clothes on, he comes into the living room (still wearing nothing but what God gave him) where TuTu is....shocked, TuTu asks what he's doing?

W says "I just needed to blow you a kiss, Tutu!!!" and then blows her a kiss....while standing there in all of his naked glory. He turns around and runs back to his room.

TuTu has now heard and seen enough of W and his "boy parts", I believe...she's ready to pack it in and head home. Will she ever babysit for me again?

This week, dear Hubby is out of town, suffering for Jesus in the mountains of New Mexico, leading worship for a camp there. Two of my beautiful nieces (TuTu - almost 17) and Loo (13 1/2) came to stay with me and keep me company and stay with A&W whilst I am at work...I love it because even thought A&W are the youngest of the grandchildren on my side, it gives them a chance to hang out with their older cousins and they can "BOND"...

Well, evidently W feels good and "bonded"...at least enough to just say it like it is around them...yesterday morning, as I was leaving for work and telling W goodbye, he suddenly felt the need to tell me something very important...

W: "Momma, I woke up this morning because I felt pee..."

Me: Thinking maybe he figured he'd better tell me if he wet his bed, I ask "You did? Did you wet the bed, W?"

W: Looking at me like I'm the craziest woman on the planet, he says "NO, Momma!!!! I just woke up because my penis was full and it felt like it was going to explode!!!!"

Poor Tutu was sitting there and witnessed all of this. Please understand, Tutu is the oldest of 3 girls, no brothers...I thought she was going to fall out of her chair...she didn't know whether to be embarassed or to laugh, it seemed. W, however, didn't know what he had done that made us crack up...he was just stating it like it was.

Why is it again that I felt the need to be all anatomically correct with naming my children's body parts? I seem to recall the notion of trying to dispel the idea of shame or mystery about how God created girls and boys differently - something like that. Evidently it worked. W has no problem discussing his "boy parts" and labeling them with their proper names these days, whether it's just to me, to his t-ball coach, or the church nursery worker. Tutu just got the wonderful opportunity to experience this first hand this week.

P.S. Tutu and Loo have been alot of fun this week...I love them bunches. It brings a different sort of life into the house when you have 2 teenagers there!

Deal or No Deal?

There are many things we may "fear" in life - whether it be the fear of spiders, the fear of losing someone we love, the fear of losing control...these fears rear their ugly little heads and we suddenly feel like that 4 year old child who was afraid of the dark or of monsters under your bed - the emotions are real and they are terrifying.

This weekend, my beautiful daughter found herself face to face with a bone-chilling, tears down the face fear...Normally, A is my "fearless" one - she doesn't know a stranger, she doesn't hesitate to try new things (except for food!), she's confident, she's secure in who she is...W is the one who hates change or hates having to do new things out of fear of failure or not doing it up to these imaginary standards he has in his head.

Our family went to the lake with Hubby's parents...and we took the boat out to the middle of the lake and stopped to take a swim since it was 100+ degrees out. Everyone had on their life jackets...W jumped in with his Pops with hardly any hesitation at all and swam around like a crazy man. A, however, could not stand the thought of jumping into a lake where she couldn't touch the bottom and couldn't see what was floating around and under her. She wanted to do it so desperately, but her fears held her back...she was terrified, even though her daddy was waiting to catch her when she jumped in the water. There was much drama and gnashing of teeth...so I told her she didn't have to and could stay on the boat with me...MORE drama and gnashing of teeth!! She WANTED to so badly. I promise, we talked about it for over an HOUR...when I say talk, I really mean I tried to reason with her, she cried, I got frustrated, she cried, I tried to be motivating, she cried...I told her to yell "I CAN DO THIS!" at the top of her lungs, she looks at me like I'm crazy...I told her that we would never let anything bad happen to her, she glares at me...finally, I start telling her that most of the time, we make the thing we are afraid of bigger than it really is - the "idea" of jumping into the water was HUGE to her while the actual event would last maybe 2 seconds. By this time, she was able to express to me that she REALLY WANTED to do it and knew she'd be sad if she didn't, but it was so hard!

That's when I hit negotiating mode...I knew she would be very upset and disappointed if we left and she didn't do this, so I tried to sweeten the deal..I told her if she'd conquer her fear, that I would conquer one of mine...that I was afraid of holding her pet lizards, they creeped me out. I could look at them through the aquarium all day, but I was afraid to hold them - especially her pet bearded dragon, King Randall. He's small and wiry and fast and likes to bite people if they tick him off (it doesn't hurt because he has no teeth, but STILL!!)...so if she'd jump into the lake, I'd hold all 4 of the creatures of the reptilian nature who currently reside in our home, even King Randall. That brought a sparkle to her eyes...she thought that would be funny, to see me do something I was afraid of and she wasn't....Her Nonni also joined in the deal making - Nonni doesn't like water and can't swim, either, but she agreed to get in the water w/a life jacket on if A would...

So, after much effort and lots of persuasion, A finally jumped into the open arms of her daddy, who was waiting in the water for her (water-logged after waiting over an hour for her to make up her mind!)....it really gave me lots to think about...how we so often WANT to trust God, to just free-fall into His arms - we want it SO BADLY that we cry and throw a fit and we know we'll be so disappointed and sad if we don't do it - but that fear holds us back..it prevents us from experiencing something new, something exciting, something fun, something comforting - from some blessing that God has waiting for us if we'd just trust Him to catch us. At one point, her daddy asked A if she trusted him...she said "YES, but it's still so scary, Daddy..." It is, isn't it? It's scary to give up control...even when we know in our head and in our heart that God will be there to catch us...what an illustration of my own struggles with God....my fear of letting go and letting Him have control.

P.S. I also got suckered into a deal to KISS the chuckwalla lizard, Chuckie, by W...he made a deal that if he jumped in from the top of the boat, then I had to kiss Chuckie...so I guess I'll be puckering up. Why is it I fell for that one? Oh yeah, because my little W is such a sweet-talking charmer who tells me I'm beautiful at least 3 times a day! :)

King Randall - he is MEAN & SCARY, I tell you!

Me kissing Chuckie, the chuckwalla lizard - not quite so mean and scary...he's normally a kindergarten class pet but A is babysitting for the summer, so he's not nearly as ferocious as the King.

A showing sweet support for her momma by showing me it's not that bad to kiss a lizard.

I also had to hold 2 salamanders - Big Daddy & Sally - who we are pet-sitting for some friends this week...can you say slimy? CB, I hope you are proud of me.

Eat Like Movie Stars

Just a quick W-ism for this morning....as a fam, we decided to go see Kung Fu Panda last night at the theater..however, it was right smack during the middle of supper time so I told the kids we were going to do something unusual today and eat POPCORN for supper (my mom does it all of the time, doesn't that make it okay?). I know, a lazy mom moment, but what the heck. It's summer.

Anyways, W proceeds to tell his sister they are going to be MOVIE STARS today!!! Huh?

W: "Yeah, we are going to be movie stars and eat popcorn for supper!! That's what all of the movie stars do...."

Really....thanks for that tiny bit of I'm-not-sure-where-that-came-from-in-your-brain knowledge, son.

FYI - the movie was great!!!

June 6th

Today is my 10th wedding anniversary - I was married on June 6, 1998! I decided to entertain myself (and you!) with some photos from my wedding...we were SO COOL in the late 90's. A is fascinated by these pictures and wants to watch my wedding video, too...maybe I'm going too deep here, but it seems to give her a sense of who she is and who her family is...

Anyway, I was thinking about my wedding day - how there were SO many things that just went wrong that day (umm, the flowers came in the WRONG color, the greenery caught fire at the front of the church, the limo was an hour and 1/2 late picking us up, need I go on?) but I was not nervous, I wasn't anxious, I felt amazingly calm and peaceful. Nothing got to me on my actual wedding day. The worst was the Thursday before...:) But there were so many people who I loved so much there that day - pitching in to help in whatever way they could....

My Ma was there, giving us all directions and keeping us sane...it happens to be her anniversary, too. I chose that day as a way to honor her. I mean, what are the chances of it being a Saturday? It was fate. She and my Pa got married on June 6, 1944 - D-day and smack in the middle of WWII. My Pa was on a short-leave from serving in the U.S. Army infantry. He would end up marching across Europe and seeing lots of things he chose to not speak about ever again. This is the first time in my married life I haven't been able to call Ma and tell her happy anniversary today to hear her say "Happy Anniversary to you, Gayle!" right back...I miss her.

My uncle Stephen was there...he served as the baker and caterer and all around entertainment for all of us. He made both the bride's cake and the groom's cake...and he took care of all of the food for the reception - we dipped strawberries in chocolate, we cut out melon balls, we made little sandwiches, we made meatballs, we did alot...but, you see, June 6th is also my uncle Stephen's birthday!!!! He was born June 6th, 1965. He spent his birthday doing all of these amazing things for me....My uncle Stephen died on June 1, 2001. I miss him so much.

My mom and dad were there...doing the things required of moms and dads at their daughter's wedding...but doing it exceptionally!! I am sure there were a few tears shed, but my parents never do anything half-way and this was no exception...they worked hard...and they celebrated with me. My husband tells me my dad caught him alone before the wedding and told him that he was giving him his treasure, and he'd dang sure better take good care of me. That's my dad. My parents were engaged on June 6th, 1965...my mom came home to tell her mom that she was engaged to find she was at the hospital giving birth to her youngest brother...my mom was 18, my dad was 19. They were married on Sept. 11, 1965 and have now been married 42+ years....

So June 6th has lots of significance for me...and it's pretty emotionally overwhelming...so enough of that and on to the funny stuff...the pictures!!!

Lions, & Tigers, & Bears...& Snakes, too! Oh, My!

W at around 20 months old - doing his animal noises...by far, my favorite is his reaction to the snake...

My Day for Mothers....

Another Mother's Day has come and gone...my Mother's Day was more like a Mother's Week, which was fantastic. The kids brought home Mother's Day artwork and presents they made at school all week long...they wanted to celebrate "Mother's Day Eve" - since Christmas had an Eve, shouldn't Mother's Day? (That's A's logic)...who could argue if it got them to behave at least 10 minutes more? :)

On Friday, I got home from work and I heard the angels start to sing - HAL-LE-LU-JAH!!! Dear Hubby had given me the mother of all mother's day presents - he had the Merry Maids in to our house to clean from top to bottom...2 maids/3 hours/rare guilt-free down time for me!!! Woo hoo! It was fantastic. I loved it...there was just something so soothing about coming home to a house that was clean...typically, by Fridays, our house is a disaster area since I've been at work all week and chasing the kids around...I spend a large part of my days off trying to make a dent in the mountains of housework that have built up. NOT THIS MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND!! In fact, Hubby and A&W all think we need to do this on a permanent basis because it made Mommy so happy. :) Hmmm....if only the budget would agree.

On Saturday, my parents and Hubby's parents were all in town, taking care of some errands, celebrating Mother's Day, and they were able to make it to A's end-of-year piano recital...

A did a fantastic job...she never gets nervous at these kinds of events...she loves it. It's her daddy's rock-star personality coming out in her. In fact, when she was 4, she wanted to quit ballet and tap dance because it hurt her feet...but the moment I mentioned that if she quit, she wouldn't get to be in the dance recital on stage at the end of the year, she says "ON STAGE? I GET TO BE ON STAGE?" and changed her mind about quitting after all. :)

On the ACTUAL Mother's Day - you know, the day after Mother's Day Eve - I was served breakfast in bed. Nice, huh? Of course, being a Sunday morning, Dear Hubby was hard at work at his job and not home when me and the munchkins woke up..so the munchkins took it upon themselves to make Mommy breakfast in bed...cereal and a cherry poptart. My cereal even had milk in it and my pop tart was warm. Of course, after I ate and got out of bed, I discovered that the milk pouring was a little challenging and had resulted in milk and cereal all over my newly merry-maid mopped kitchen floor, but A & W had worked VERY HARD to clean it up themselves...so I let it slide and re-mopped later. :)

We went to church, I taught Sunday School, and then A&W and I left for a surprise visit to my mom in Turkey. I had just seen her the day before for the recital, but I just could not let the first Mother's Day without my Ma (and my mom without her own mother) go by without spending every minute of it I could with my mom - and I thought I should go ahead and teach my Sunday School class kind of as a tribute to my Ma, who was a Sunday School teacher for over 50 years (yes, I said 50 YEARS!) Throughout the day, there was an undercurrent of sadness that we all felt, a feeling of loss....but we made it through the day together.

My Ma and My Mom...2 of the most amazing ladies I know.

It made me think alot about my mom...and my ma....and my heritage...and how blessed I am. I got my mom a card this year that was very simple - it read "You are strength...You are wisdom...You are love...." and then on the inside it says "You are amazing..." If I had to sum up my mom in a few words, those are definitely the right ones...she is a tower of strength - not only for me, but for her whole family - I see strength in her character, in her faith, in her work ethic, in her devotion to her family. She is wisdom - my mom is very wise (I won't go so far to admit she is always RIGHT, but she is very wise!) and I depend on her to advise me on many situations, especially when it comes to being a mom. She is love - to watch her as she selflessly serves her family, her church, her kids at the library (my mom's a city librarian)...she thrives on it. I know that A&W have no doubts in their minds whatsoever that Grandma loves them because she spends time with them - doing things together...taking walks, hunting for bugs or frogs or rocks, putting puzzles together, making cookies. My mom knows my kids - their likes and dislikes, their little quirks, their dreams. That was exactly the way my Ma was with me and my cousins - we never ever doubted that she loved us...she spent TIME with us - as kids, she sang silly songs with us, she made us cowboy pancakes, she played games with us, she hunted rocks with us. I'm so glad for that heritage...

I hope that someday I can be even 1/2 of the Grandma that my mom is and that my Ma was....

Laying Down the Law

When W was a baby, he refused to take a pacifier...instead, his means of comfort was his blanket, who became known in our house as "Blanket"....creative and ingenius, I know. Blanket was made for him before he was even born by my mother (with the help of my niece and nephew). W loved Blanket so much that Blanket began to get very worn and thin and to have very large holes in him...so, at 4 1/2 years old, Blanket needed to be "put to pasture", so to speak...So I made W a new blanket - this one had stuff from outerspace all over it, which I thought any 4 1/2 year old would love (actually, it was the closest thing I could find to Star Wars)...but I could see the apprehension in W's eyes as I showed him the new blanket and he touched it and we talked about putting Blanket away....so I tried to make myself think like W would think and I tried to conjure up in my head what types of fears or worries he might have about not having Blanket. That led to this conversation...

Me: "You know what, W? I'm going to let Blanket and new Blanket take a bath together and while they are in there, I bet Blanket will tell new Blanket every single thing he needs to know about how to be the best Blanket for you...I bet he'll tell him all of your secrets and your dreams and your favorite things...how about that?"

W: (After pausing to contemplate this...) "Okay, Mommy...because Blanket knows all of that stuff."

So we put them in the washing machine together and then in the dryer. I let W get them both out of the dryer, still warm. When he did, he hugged Blanket and told him goodbye and then told me to put him in his closet where he could see him...and then he ran off with new Blanket. We had absolutely no trouble transitioning...I was very thankful. Blanket was practically a member of our family.

Then, 6 months later (this being this past weekend), W informs me that new Blanket has a new name - "Ba Ba"...okay, son - whatever you want to name him is great, right? Nope, dear Hubby did not like the new name. He thought it sounded too much like a baby name and to him, it's bad enough that his now 5 year old son still loves his blanket so much, much less if the blanket has a baby name! So Hubby proceeded to try to suggest new names...Blanket 2, Deuce, anything that sounded remotely manly and not so much like baby talk...W wouldn't budge. It was his blanket and he was picking the name he liked. Hubby told him that was fine, but that he'd make fun of him for picking a baby name (I know, real mature and a stellar "Dad" moment, right?)...W looked at his dad, picked up his foot, raised his knee up as high as he could and then stomped it to the ground...and he said "I'M PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN...."

Alrighty, then..."Ba Ba" it is. Way to lay down the law, son. He must get that from his mother.

The Force is Strong in this one...

My W is turning 5 years old....tomorrow. We had his big birthday bash this weekend, and can I just say that I am a crazy person? We had an all out Jedi Training Session for W and 14 of his closest friends...complete with costumes, light sabers, and a real live Darth Vader! :)

We had alot of fun, but today, I'm really being all sentimental and finding it somewhat difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that my baby is turning 5.....to me, he will forever be that baby who couldn't sleep without Blanket(and yes, it is a proper name!) and his Elmo...he will forever be that baby who would reach out to me, hold his arms out and say "hold you...hold you..." and when I do pick him up, he pats me on the back...he will forever be my baby boy with his "Buddha belly" and his huge grin...he will forver be etched in my mind like this:

Happy birthday, my sweet, sweet Jedi...

How Can I Keep From Singing. . .

Recently, I lost my Ma....it's hard to put into words exactly how I felt about her or to describe what my relationship was like with her. My ma was my grandmother...my mother's mother. She was such an intricate part of my life, though, that life without her now just seems wrong, very unnatural. I miss her constantly.

Anyways, she had been sick leading up to her death, but it wasn't believed to be fatal. In actuality, her heart literally just stopped beating. BUT, she had been in the hospital for several weeks. The weekend before she died, I drove up to Amarillo to stay with her for the weekend...on my 2 hour drive by myself, I had lots of time to think and to pray...and one conversation I had with God went something like this....

Me: "God, I WANT my children to know Ma, especially A...she's named after her....I want her to know exactly how fantastic Ma is, I want her to have memories with her like I do...God, my heart is hurting at the thought of her not remembering her. I lost my great-grandmother when I was in the 1st grade and my memories are sweet but very limited..."

God: "Just take a deep breath and listen for awhile, okay?"

Me: "Whatever...fine." - as this point, I turn on my iPod, which is on shuffle...so the next song comes on....the acoustic version of Chris Tomlin's "How Can I Keep From Singing" As I listened to it, it hit me that the song describes my sweet A's heart...she is ALWAYS singing, she is always making up new songs, writing words to songs in her journal, she sings her dinner requests to me when I ask...but more than that, it's easy for me to see how she has a song in her heart through the way she dances through life with a smile and bringing smiles to others. She loves God's creation in nature, she loves art...it's all a beautiful song to her. So when I heard the words to that song, I knew that was a very unique and special way God had made A....the words go something like this...

"There is an endless song...Echoes in my soul...I hear the music ring...And though the storms may come...I am holding on...To the rock I cling...How can I keep from singing Your praise...How can I ever say enough...How amazing is Your love...How can I keep from shouting Your name...I know I am loved by the King...And it makes my heart want to sing..."

At this point, after my realization, my conversation w/God continues:

Me: "Thank you, Lord!! That is awesome...thank you for that insight into who my daughter is and how you have created her..."

God: "Hold your horses...I'm not done. Tell me right now who else you know that walks through life with a song of praise for me echoing in every single thing she does..."

Me: "Umm....." And then it hits me like a brick - my Ma...no doubt whatsoever. That describes her to a tee....

At that moment, I realize what God is trying to tell me - that even though A may not have Ma around physically for years and years, she and Ma share this very important gift and trait from God...that they not only share a name, but that God created them in a very similar mold...and that Ma will always be a part of A, too....all of this took place on Saturday...and Ma died on Monday. God gave me an amazing gift...a very special treasure that I will never ever forget....

And the rest of the words to the song are quite fitting as well...my Ma could have written this song, seriously...they go like this:

"I will lift my eyes...In the darkest night...For I know my Savior lives...And I will walk with You...Knowing You'll see me through...And sing the songs You give...I can sing in the troubled times...Sing when I win...I can sing when I lose my step...And fall down again...I can sing 'cause You pick me up...Sing 'cause You're there...I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord...When I call to You in prayer...I can sing with my last breath...Sing for I know...That I'll sing with the angels...And the saints around the throne..."

God is awesome.

Who are these creatures?

So, I was looking for something on my computer the other day, and I came across some pictures of some creatures I could no longer identify...

These adorable creatures don't look anything like the ones I now have living in my house. :) Those were during the sweet, cuddly, "I like mom" days....as opposed to the rolling of the eyes, "Mom makes me eat my vegetables and do my homework so she must be no fun" days....in our house, Dad is definitely the "cooler", Rock-Star parent most of the time...

Ahhh....Easter...

Easter is such a fantastic holiday - all about the incredible, overwhelming, cannot-put-it-into-words love that God has for all of us and about Jesus not staying on the cross but being ALIVE...

A&W were coming off of spring break and 4 days at Grandma's house...and a sugar rush from the pre-Easter egg hunt at Grandma's the day before...then comes Easter Sunday, supposed to be one of the most glorious Sundays of the whole year...

So, since Hubby is a worship pastor, he is non-existent on any Sunday morning, but on Easter Sunday, he is especially unavailable...we had gotten home late on Saturday from a fun day of 4-wheelin', egg huntin', and generally getting as dirty as possible at Grandma's house. A took a shower Saturday night, W fell asleep in the car...so Sunday morning started with a bath for him...and I'm sure the entire pre-school Sunday School Class is grateful to me for that...but it makes us short for time and all the more frantic in trying to get to Sunday School on time (and on time is required when you are the teacher!!!)

The service was going to be a special one - all about worship, so dear Hubby had asked me to keep the kids in church for the whole service so they could participate in worship throughout the service...Ok, good idea, I want my kids to know about worship, I want them to be involved in and have a heart for worship! Awesome!! An opportunity for them to learn why we were created - to worship!!! Woo hoo!!! Bad idea...they are 4 and 6 years old...they have the attention spans of a 4 and 6 year old...and, let's face it, after 20 minutes, if it's not about them, they get bored...so church quickly melted down into a competition of who can annoy Mom the most...playing with her hair, laying all over her, pulling at her clothes, wiping boogers on her pants....needless to say, Hubby and I had a nice talk after church...but the story gets better...

In the car, on the way to Easter w/the in-laws, A&W begin...picking, picking, picking...fighting, fighting, fighting..."A won't let me pick a number!" "W is touching me!" "That's MY side of the seat!" "MOM - W's looking at me funny!" At this point, after a much less than peaceful Easter Sunday, I cracked...I laid on one heck of a guilt trip...it went something like this:

"Seriously? Seriously....we just came from church...you learned about Easter...how God gave his son for us...how Jesus died on the cross because he loves us so much...and YOU TWO are fighting over who picks what number or who touched what inch of the seat??? SERIOUSLY?"

Then, from the deathly quiet backseat, I hear..."I think we'd better play the quiet game now...." That's my boy.

And so it begins. . .

Okay, I gave in to the craze...I love reading my friends' blogs about their life and the crazy things their kids do or say...and so I will make an attempt to do this so that my kids can't say I wasn't cool when they grow up and start thinking I'm not cool anymore....who am I kidding - they'll say I'm not cool no matter what!!!

Still working on the title - Life with A&W is not a reference to root beer, however, but to my six year old daughter, A, and my 4 year old son, W. Maybe I'll come up with clever nicknames for them...the wheels are already turning.

In the meantime, I'll share with you quickly one of my favorite W-isms as of late...but I must give context...a few days before the clever w-ism, I had a conversation with A that W overheard about what is a buttcrack....and why do we not want them to show. A has a problem with this issue because she has nothing in the seat-us department so her pants always slip down so low that she inevitable ends up showing some "b.c.", as we refer to it in our house. Anyways, a few days after this "b.c." conversation, whilst driving down the road, I hear A & W both start laughing hysterically from the backseat...W had said something very clever that set them both off...and then...he says it as he slaps his leg.... "I laughed so hard, I cracked my butt!" Ummm....did he mean I cracked myself up? Perhaps....but it shall forever be the day that W cracked his own butt in our house. :)