Here it is not even Halloween yet and I'm stressing about Christmas. I made the mistake of writing down all of the presents I have to buy (with good intentions of getting a head start on my Christmas shopping and looking for bargains!) and, while I was at it, I decided to see how much money this was going to set me back so I'd have an idea of how much I'd need to save each month towards this goal.
Big mistake, HUGE. (can anyone name that movie? Come on, CB..we only watched it like a thousand times in college)
Now I'm officially stressing.
Here's the deal - there are some gifts I LOVE to give. I mean, I spend alot of time thinking it through and picking just the right ones and then I just get giddy over watching them open them. Then there are those gifts I just feel obligated to buy because "it's what we've always done" and it's tradition and if I didn't buy those gifts, then the message I'm sending is I don't care about that particular person. Not true, but that's what is perceived. So, year in and year out, I give out of guilt.
Yesterday, I was helping my elementary Sunday school class with their memory verse from last week so they could pick a prize from the prize bucket. The memory verse was 2 Corinthians 9:7
"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." (NIV)
As my little 1st and 2nd graders are trying to pronounce "reluctantly" - it came out more sounding like re-luck-ant-bee - I stopped and asked if anyone knew what "not reluctantly or under compulsion" meant...no takers. So I tried putting it in the language a 6 or 7 year old would get...so here's what came out of my mouth:
"Reluctantly is like you are saying "awww...I guess I'll give if I have to..I don't really want to, but I guess I'll do it anyways." (complete with whiny voice and slouching shoulders)
"Compulsion is like someone holds a gun at you and tells you that you have to give - so you do it but you do it because someone else makes you, not because you want to."
My Sunday school kids nodded their heads and gave a cheer for giving with a cheerful heart...and then we moved on to this week's lesson...
But I have been thinking non-stop about what I was supposed to be teaching them since yesterday. And then I did the whole Christmas list thing...and now I find myself again face to face with one of the demons I fight in my life constantly - GUILT. Guilt has been the topic God has been throwing at me for the last 6 months or so....and here it raises its ugly head yet again. Am I giving gifts out of guilt? Am I doing it reluctantly or under compulsion by some perceived notion in my head or from society? The thing is, I dearly love all of the people on my Christmas list (if you happen to be on it and reading this, that's the truth!!!) but I have been giving gifts out of guilt. I want to be free from guilt. Believe me, it affects me in every area of my life, not just Christmas lists.
I don't want Christmas to be that time of year when I turn into "Scrooge" because I resent the cost or the time it takes to give.
I want to give with great gusto and with a cheer rising out of my heart.
I want to be free from Christmas guilt and all guilt forever.
And I want my kids to really get what Christmas is about.
So - anyone with ideas, the floor is now open. Do I ask God for an attitude adjustment and to show me how to give with a cheerful heart? Do I make some major changes to my holiday shopping list? I need to find the right balance for me and my family while still navigating the treacherous waters of extended family traditions - the last thing I want to do is hurt someone's feelings.
Pretty Woman! (what do I win? don't give me my prize, though, if it feels compulsory...hehe). You've got some deep stuff buried in this post. I'll be thinking on it and get back to you. Promise.
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ReplyDeleteI totally get "you." I gave for so many years without evening thinking; it's just what I had always done. But then I realized that I was going in to debt to "keep up appearances." So a few years back, I finally had to come to grips with the fact that I couldn't do it anymore. I talked to my friends and told them that I needed to cut back on gift-giving at Christmas but that I would still give on birthdays (since those are spread throughout the year). It has worked fairly well and enabled me to give more to my family at Christmas as well as opened up opportunities to give some to special causes.
ReplyDeleteAfter making the decision, it was hard to tell my friends, but it's made holiday gift-giving a lot more enjoyable. I look forward to hearing what works for you because everyone has a different budget and comfort level.
P.S. - I should note that I didn't cut out all my friends. A few of my friends' love language is gifts. So that's something to take into consideration.
great topic, Kacey! The commercialism of Christmas is a hard one to balance! I don't know that I have it down pat either. One thing my family did a few years ago was fantastic. i loved it! We had a "homemade or re-gifting" Christmas! We gave each other things that we made for them, or that we had sitting around our house that was never used - but seemed like something they would like. That year we were already living in cold winter KY and my mom gave me her winter boots that she used in Germany. I still use them and what a true gift it was! I can't wear them without thinking of my mom.
ReplyDeleteWe don't do it every year. It was just what we did that year. However, since then there have been a few sporadic gifts that have gone around that are on those same lines. And nobody bats an eye because we didn't buy it at an expensive store!
This wouldn't work with every family - or even all the time. I love buying gifts also. But, it was fun and really put into perspective of what the holiday means and what it feels like to give a gift.
Blessings to you as you figure this out! And don't forget to tell us how you manage this Christmas to be free from GUILT. You are so awesome to recognize this so early and try to get a grasp on it!
What a great post! I thank you for your honesty in your writings. And since I am in your family, I would just like to add that I would really like a gift from Tiffany's this year, please. ;)
ReplyDeleteNo really, Kacey, no one else knows the attitude or heart that we are giving out of, so the second it becomes and attitude of reluctance, I think we should re-think it. Being that gifts are at the top of my love languages, it is somewhat of necessity for me. Something that it has taken Daniel a little while to understand. Like when I wanted to give a birthday present to a good friend when we are really hurting for money. I guess that is why I have learned to become such a good bargain shopper over the years. I think the most important thing, however, is that whether we give or don't give, big or small, we do it because we want to. The second that desire isn't there, I think we should be honest with our family, and stop. The trickery is that not everyone is always going to be in the same place, so there should be lenience for those who have a different opion.
There...that's MY thoughts!