Bah-Humbug

Here it is not even Halloween yet and I'm stressing about Christmas. I made the mistake of writing down all of the presents I have to buy (with good intentions of getting a head start on my Christmas shopping and looking for bargains!) and, while I was at it, I decided to see how much money this was going to set me back so I'd have an idea of how much I'd need to save each month towards this goal.

Big mistake, HUGE. (can anyone name that movie? Come on, CB..we only watched it like a thousand times in college)

Now I'm officially stressing.

Here's the deal - there are some gifts I LOVE to give. I mean, I spend alot of time thinking it through and picking just the right ones and then I just get giddy over watching them open them. Then there are those gifts I just feel obligated to buy because "it's what we've always done" and it's tradition and if I didn't buy those gifts, then the message I'm sending is I don't care about that particular person. Not true, but that's what is perceived. So, year in and year out, I give out of guilt.

Yesterday, I was helping my elementary Sunday school class with their memory verse from last week so they could pick a prize from the prize bucket. The memory verse was 2 Corinthians 9:7

"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." (NIV)

As my little 1st and 2nd graders are trying to pronounce "reluctantly" - it came out more sounding like re-luck-ant-bee - I stopped and asked if anyone knew what "not reluctantly or under compulsion" meant...no takers. So I tried putting it in the language a 6 or 7 year old would get...so here's what came out of my mouth:

"Reluctantly is like you are saying "awww...I guess I'll give if I have to..I don't really want to, but I guess I'll do it anyways." (complete with whiny voice and slouching shoulders)

"Compulsion is like someone holds a gun at you and tells you that you have to give - so you do it but you do it because someone else makes you, not because you want to."

My Sunday school kids nodded their heads and gave a cheer for giving with a cheerful heart...and then we moved on to this week's lesson...

But I have been thinking non-stop about what I was supposed to be teaching them since yesterday. And then I did the whole Christmas list thing...and now I find myself again face to face with one of the demons I fight in my life constantly - GUILT. Guilt has been the topic God has been throwing at me for the last 6 months or so....and here it raises its ugly head yet again. Am I giving gifts out of guilt? Am I doing it reluctantly or under compulsion by some perceived notion in my head or from society? The thing is, I dearly love all of the people on my Christmas list (if you happen to be on it and reading this, that's the truth!!!) but I have been giving gifts out of guilt. I want to be free from guilt. Believe me, it affects me in every area of my life, not just Christmas lists.

I don't want Christmas to be that time of year when I turn into "Scrooge" because I resent the cost or the time it takes to give.

I want to give with great gusto and with a cheer rising out of my heart.

I want to be free from Christmas guilt and all guilt forever.

And I want my kids to really get what Christmas is about.

So - anyone with ideas, the floor is now open. Do I ask God for an attitude adjustment and to show me how to give with a cheerful heart? Do I make some major changes to my holiday shopping list? I need to find the right balance for me and my family while still navigating the treacherous waters of extended family traditions - the last thing I want to do is hurt someone's feelings.

Most Likely to Save the World

What a busy weekend...my dear sweet A turned 8 years old yesterday. Wait. Is that right? Let's see, she was born in 2001....so, yep, that's it. She's 8 YEARS OLD!!! Yikes...

So, just for A, a little letter from her momma (yes, I'm still momma, but I'm expecting it to become "mom" or "mother" any day now. )

A -

Life with you is ALWAYS an adventure. You have definitely kept me on my toes these past 8 years and I'm sure you will keep things interesting for many many years to come. From the minute you were born, you wanted everyone to know you were here and that you love life. You, my sweet girl, are not a wallflower, like your momma. You are an extrovert, just like your daddy. You like attention, just like your daddy. You have so much life and so much love for all things God created inside of you. I've written before about how you just have this "thing" about you that for the longest time I couldn't quite describe until God_showed_me_what_it_was. You dance through every single part of your life with a song in your heart. You have such a ZEAL for life. You often make me wonder where my zeal went! :)

You are com-passionate and passionate about things you believe in, like saving the Earth or saving the animals. You are such a creative thinker - I don't think you will ever be able to think "inside the box" - all you know is outside of it. Boxes, schmoxes...you don't need no stinkin' boxes. :) Every so often, you and I butt heads over this one, because I like the boxes and I like the rules....in my world, you must follow the rules, color inside the lines, follow instructions. In your world, rules and lines are optional and instructions are mere guidelines.

Your mind is always working. It tires me out, girl. I am constantly answering questions or sending you to the computer to look up the answer to your questions. And if it's not a scientific question, then it's something like "Mom, what was your favorite vegetable when you were a kid?" or "Mom, if you had all the money in the world, what would you do with it?" or "Mom, which is your favorite finger on your right hand?" You think I'm kidding. You have asked me all 3 of these questions within the past 24 hours. And, because your mind is always working, you have this tendency to just drop things right where they are because your mind has moved on to something else...we battle over this one - I'm constantly telling you "OHIO - only handle it once!" but that's really a hard thing for you because by the time you pick up your shoes and head to your closet to put them away, you get distracted by something else, so your shoes end up in the middle of the hall floor or in the bathroom or who knows where.

Your interests right now revolve around science (which explains why an 8 year old girl owns a microscope and a telescope, 2 bearded dragons who like to go on adventures, 3 fire bellied toads, and actually enjoys the non-fiction book section of the library), music (SuperChick, Barlow Girls, Misty Edwards, some Radio Disney stuff, Decypher Down, just to name a few -plus playing the piano), dancing, and art. You love to read, to write songs or poems, and to play with any toys that let you use your imagination.

You make friends easily. I mean, if you see them and they will talk back to you, then they are your friend. You just love people. You love being around them and you love on them with a love that comes from someone other than you - it comes from Jesus in your heart. A very precious, very kind heart.

I know, A, that sometimes I'm hard on you...sometimes I push you a little harder or expect a little more from you than I do your brother. I'm learning, too. But, in my defense, it's because I think you are amazing. You have this t-shirt that was actually passed down to you from your cousin, Claire...but it says "Most Likely to Save the World" - that's how I see you, A. That's what I see in you. God has made you just like you are and He is going to use you and all of your zeal and passion. Just wait and see.

Happy birthday, A. I love you like crazy.

Purpose

"What is your purpose?"

For the record, I always dread that question, and it tends to come up every year or so in church or in small groups...."What is your purpose?"

My purpose is simple, right? We (being the human race) were created to worship and be in a relationship with God, right? Right. Simple enough.

But, alas, that generally does not get me out of it. It is inevitable followed up with "Ok - but what is YOUR specific purpose in God's kingdom?" Why did God make ME? He made me with specific gifts and with certain passions for a reason. I've experienced things in life that have also helped to mold me into who I am and can be used towards my "purpose"...so what the heck is that purpose? Does anyone ever REALLY know this answer? I mean, really? How do you take all of this stuff, mash it all together, and BAM - there's your purpose?

I've taken all of the tests, read a few books along the way...still don't know the answer.

Is my purpose to be "mom" to A&W and to teach them what they need to know about this world, about life, and about our heavenly father so that they can grow up and fulfill their "purpose", whatever that may be?

Is my purpose to be wife to my Dear Hubby, to grow with him, to stand behind him in support of his ministry?

Is my purpose somehow tied up in this crazy career I have as attorney at law? Or am I off-track and need to again seek God's will in where I am supposed to be?

Is my purpose to be a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister or aunt?

Here I am 34 years old - been at my current job for 9 1/2 years - mother of 2, married 11 years. - and I still can't say with any degree of certainty what my God-created purpose is. I think all of this is a part of it, but God still hasn't given me that big billboard that I requested that tells me exactly what I need to do or what my purpose is - these little pieces of the puzzle are great but I can't see the big picture, so I just keep plugging along, waiting for my "AHA!" moment.

So, Phil, when you ask in church if we know what our purpose is, I cringe. Maybe I'm too much of a detail person. Maybe I need to know specifics, God. Have you gone into the billboard business yet? If not, maybe a nice email would do.

That Jesus Guy is Pretty Awesome...

Sundays are always a hoot around our house...but on this Sunday afternoon, after an awesome morning in worship and fellowship, I had to finish painting...I had started painting my bathroom on Saturday and not finished...so here I was, delicately balanced over my bathtub, trying to reach some pretty unreachable places when in walks A....

That morning in Sunday School, A&W had talked about the creation story in Genesis. So this particular afternoon, it was still on her mind and so she was doing some follow-up research. That led her to the story of Noah and the ark.

"Mom! Did you know the Bible says God told Noah to take 7 of each CLEAN animal and 2 of each unclean animal? Not just 2 of everything..."

"That's right. The extra clean animals were so that Noah and his family could make the required sacrifices. Did you know that, in the Old Testament, before Jesus died for our sins on the cross, that people would have to sacrifice animals in order to ask for forgiveness of those sins?"

Eyes wide, A says "You mean kill them?"

"Yes. Aren't we even more grateful that Jesus died for our sins? Isn't that cool?"

"So we would have to kill Rosie?"

"Well, not dogs. Usually sheep or goats"

And then, there it is. "So Jesus saved all the animals!!!! Jesus loves the animals, too!" So, there you have it - Jesus was not only the savior of the world and the son of God, but he was the very first animal lover as well...A's pretty darn sure he never wore a coat_with_a_fake_fur_collar, either.

Yes, my darling hippie child. Jesus loved the animals...and, by the way, he loves us too.

Brains vc. Brawn

Lately I've been struggling with the fact that my kids are growing up as "city kids" - complete with the attitudes of city kids. Now don't get me wrong, my kids are fantastic. They are really good, for the most part, but every now and then, I find myself wondering if I'm raising a couple of wienies who can't stand getting dirty or being uncomfortable for more than 5 minutes.

My childhood was so different from theirs. I grew up on a cotton farm. For as long as I can remember, I spent my summers in the field. Before I started school, I played in the dirt on the turnrows while my 2 older brothers and parents hoed. Once I started school, then I was old enough to hoe my own rows, so I walked the cotton field with a hoe in my hand, chopping up weeds. During harvesting, I "tromped" cotton with my brothers - this was in the days before module builders so you had to physically mash all of the cotton you could into the trailers. You did this by jumping up and down on it - or "tromping" it.

I just remember it as a part of life - I didn't get paid for the work I did, it was expected as part of the family. I didn't have the opportunity to say "no" to going to the field. It never would have occurred to me, honestly. Some of my best memories are in the cotton field - chasing rabbits, catching lizards, singing silly songs. Yeah, it was hot and there were bugs and it was uncomfortable, but I never died. I survived it. And today I feel like I'm a stronger person for having grown up on a farm.

So when I think about my kids' life, I want them to have some of that. I want them to have a good work ethic. I want them to be strong in character. This week, they are at Grandma and Poppa's on the farm. I told my mom to take them to the field with them, to make them work and, heaven forbid, get a little uncomfortable. Of course, Grandma can't do that to those kids! Oh yes she can.

So as I'm talking to A about it - she tells me she doesn't want to go to the field. I tell her it's an opportunity to do something she's never done before, a chance to help Poppa with his crops, I tell her about all of the animals she might see. Still, Resistance. Whining. Squirming. Complaining. And she hasn't even stepped foot in the field yet. I tell her that going to the field will make her a stronger person.

She looks right at me and says "I don't want to be strong, I want to be smart." DOH!

I tell her she can be both! That she comes from a long line of strong women and she'd better just get used to being strong. Again, she tells me she'll be smart instead.

Finally, I pull out the big guns - I tell her that if I hear that she refused to go to the field, that she whined and complained, that she didn't work when asked to, then there would be no TV for the rest of the summer.

Resistance is Futile. Mom wins again.

Planes, no Trains, Automobiles, and few Roller Coasters

So, settling back into life after our crazy, fantastic trip to San Diego...it was our very first attempt at a full-fledged vacation with the kids where we flew, rented a car, and stayed in hotels...and, despite all of my pessimism going into it, it was awesome!!! I have to say, I was so proud of my kids...even though they had to be exhausted (if how I felt was any measure), they kept their bad attitudes in check, there was little sibling in-fighting, and the trip was really really great...

SO - while there, we saw La Jolla Cove amd the sea lions, the San Diego Zoo, Sea World San Diego, the USS Midway, took a harbor tour, spent an afternoon at Coronado Island on the beach, and spent 2 days at Legoland...and had an amazing time!!!

Here are a few of my favorite pics from the adventures...

First airplane ride for both of my kids...we got to fly over the Grand Canyon and saw it from 28,000 feet!!!

First ocean experience for either of my kids....neither had ever even seen one before, much less put their feet into it...this was by far my favorite part of the trip - watching their faces and seeing the joy and wonder in their eyes as they tried to wrap their brains around how HUGE and mysterious the ocean is...

Getting REALLY up close and personal with a hippo at the zoo....

Sitting in the "Soak Zone" at Shamu's show yet somehow not getting soaked!!!

We were able to tour the USS Midway - a naval aircraft carrier made into a museum. The kids loved being able to get up into some of the airplanes and pretending to fly....By the time we left there, it was "Captain W" and "Commander A"....

Some good beach time on Coronado Island...A must have walked up and down the beach a dozen times, retrieving every shell she could find...the water was really cold but this was a blast..with the exception of the seagulls who decided to eat all of our potato chips while we walked on the beach..and then, after I chased them away, they continued to stalk us for the rest of the afternoon, just hoping for a treat..

Some good swim time at the resort's pool...a nice, heated 82 degree pool....much warmer than the ocean!

And, last, but certainly not least - LEGOLAND!!! The kids LOVED this place...and you cannot even dream in your wildest imagination all of the things that were made out of legos there...no joke. Here are a few samples...

Anyone who knows W well at all knows that he is all about Star Wars...afterall, he is an official Jedi Knight!

Dad was a bit worn out by all of the adventures..so he found this nice Lego Man to take a nap next to... :)

Here we go!

And we are off!!! First plane ride for Abby and Will! San Diego here
we come!!!